My Pathways to God

Confronting Ourselves

2012-01-01T08:22:00.000-08:00

Confrontation

I think in order to truly grow, there are times we have to look deep within ourselves and confront the personal beliefs that we have that might be incompatible a Christ centered faith. A belief system in Christian thought and in Christ as Savior, should challenge us to examine our inconsistencies.

Our faults in thinking can be as simple as losing one's temper while driving, becoming aggravated with a coworker, being rude or thoughtless. On a more serious scale a fault may lie in a belief that the ends justify the means; that torture is okay, that deliberate cruelty is fine so long as the end result is the desired result. Additionally some may come to the conclusion that the death penalty is acceptable to rid society of those that society deems unreachable and unredeemable.

I think that the fault in believing that torture is okay is that torture in its truest sense is a form of rape. The victim, the one being tortured if you will; must surrender himself to the fact that he is indeed helpless in the hands of his tormentor. What we often fail to recognize though is that the torturer is at some level tortured himself or in deep and undeniable torment. The act alone dehumanizes both the victim and the assailant. This is often the case with most debasing behavior though isn’t it?

In contemplating the death penalty, I believe that when humankind meters out this form of punishment that humankind is playing God. It is part of God's divine plan that all human beings are redeemable. When humanity kills a human either as punishment, or in war or in any sort of conscious act of inhumanity is acting like God. That sin of playing God, robs God and the punished individual of their right, their divine right to redemption and reconciliation. As I mature more I’ve become much more steadfast that no human or human institution has the right deny another the right of redemption.

Hebrews 12:14
Strive for peace with everyone, and for the holiness without which no one will see the Lord.

Another Christmas in Smyrna

2011-12-27T04:18:00.000-08:00

Another Christmas in Smyrna

Years, like sand through an hourglass are slipping past. Christmas at Smyrna is always enjoyable, as the years progress they seem much more relaxed and low-key. Happily, my mind’s preconceived notions of what the holiday should be have been tempered by the years. So it really is okay now to just enjoy quiet time, walk in the park, stroll in Beaufort, nap, visit and read my book.

This year dad was still fighting quite a cough that's really been around since the start of the month. He wasn't feeling 100%. Dad seemed to really enjoy the holiday: the expression on his face was very easy-to-read and he enjoyed speaking and listening to his Christmas Eve dinner guests.

Mom did a standup job with food which was a delightful assortment of stuffed shells, homemade meatballs, sweet sausage, bread, salad and homemade pie. The dinner conversation was steady and warm and went on for hours. My job which of course is self-appointed; is cleanup detail so by the time mom and dad were done saying goodbye to their guests the kitchen was clean and the dishes stacked in the dishwasher.

I guess where I'm going with all of this kind of mundane observation is that when everyone pitches in its easy and relaxed. Of course year in and year out we’re all acutely aware that there are missing people at our table, those who have gone on and those who never show. The empty chairs of those who have gone on are easy to cope with, it is what it is; they have no choice. Those who never show well that's a little more difficult to cope with; it's harder to get your arms around the fact some who you love just don't come, never offers to, never asks and never seems to care. Whether they care or not remains a great mystery.

Bull's Head Inn

2011-12-13T05:36:00.000-08:00

Bull’s Head Inn

It really is amazing how the decades can fade away. This Sunday after Nana’s 100th birthday party I drove up to Goshen New York to have dinner with two high school friends. The day was lovely; the drive-through northeastern New Jersey was amazing. The mountains were pretty, the sky uncommonly clear and the colors crisp. As I drove I thought if I had found this before moving to North Carolina I would've moved here. The New York Thruway was equally beautiful and the town of Washingtonville New York a delight. Washingtonville looks like one of those miniature Christmas villages, idealistic, serene, neat and warm.

The Bull’s Head Inn was equally charming, nestled on a gentle rise, along a country road outside of Goshen. My friend Beth and I arrived at the same time and we retired inside to wait for our friend Sheryl to show up. Beth and I sat at the bar drinking soda and talking and starting to catch up. I gave her little snippets from my grandmother's birthday party, from work and from life in general and she did the same. The bar was absolutely stunning, with the picture window beyond the bottles and a view of the meadow. The top of the bar was copper which I found to be amazing.

Sherryl showed up at about 5:10 and she looked like she had just stepped out of high school 30 years ago. Truthfully, so does Beth; I'm not sure the same could be said about me. So Sherryl showed and we were directed to our table. We had a private corner in the public dining room and we were the only people in that room.

The atmosphere was wonderful, the food was perfect and the nearly 5 hours of conversation was fluid, warm and engaging. I was struck then and am struck now by how easily the decades with these two fine women just melt away. As we talked, we rediscovered very keen and specific shared values; interestingly enough, and even though life had taken us in very different directions the three of us rediscovered that we felt the same way about a variety of issues. All three of us are concerned about the deterioration of manners in our society, the venom that embodies the body politic and the overall disregard for the disenfranchised within our society.

Of course we spoke about our families and what had been going on in our personal lives and that was wonderful. It sure is nice to know that people who I care so much for are doing real well in the end. Of course their lives are not ideal no one’s life is. My own life included. My one wish and my one take away from this evening is that we don't wait 10 more years before we see each other again; but if we do I'm not concerned because I know that my friends are there.

Rain Water Tax

2011-11-02T04:16:00.001-07:00

A tax on rain

Years ago the North Carolina legislature gave the cities in the state the right to tax residents on the amount of rainwater that falls on their properties and cannot be absorbed into the ground. In a very sneaky fashion, Durham, the city that I live in has named this tax, a storm water runoff fee.

Here's an interesting question, in an effort to reduce my impact on the environment, I've begun harvesting rainwater. So now, one of my downspouts empties into a very large barrel, and I use this water in my gardens. This water is not running into the sewer system, so how is Durham going to give me credit for this water that they don't have to "process?"

My guess is that there will be no credit. In the last few months Durham has at times relentlessly and unfairly made all sorts of interesting grabs for revenue from her citizens. Our storm water and drinking water bills are combined, but the bill for drinking water is due several days later then the bill for storm water. There is no notation on the bill for two separate due dates and in many instances if one pays on time they are still slapped with a late fee for the storm water bill. I was one of those folks. I was charged $.31 for my storm water bill being late even though I paid my water bill on time.

I know I shouldn't cry over $.31 but it's the principle of the matter. Af Durham does this to 200,000 people that is $62,000 in additional revenue. That my friends is not chump change.

Philip. 4:13 Paul testified, “I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me”

2011-10-12T04:29:00.000-07:00

Philip. 4:13 Paul testified, “I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me”

Some Baptist preacher from Texas called the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints a cult. On CNN he went on to say that he had a duty to tell the truth. But I found it ironic that he really didn't take much time to go into detail about how simple it is to be a believer. If he had done so and then he would've seen the flaws in his reason. The simple fact of the matter is that Mormons believe in Jesus Christ, they believe in Christ as the son of God, the living God and God incarnate.

Why I'd venture to point out that it's even in their name. So really this preacher in Texas is focusing on the wrong thing; we all should be focusing on love and the love that Christ brought all of us. Instead he's focusing on division. My prayer for this man is that he finds the love and by finding love invites acceptance, there's room at the table for all of us.

The voice of reason

2011-10-10T04:18:00.000-07:00

No one is reasonable all the time, myself included. I think it's important that we keep an eye on how we view the world and the ironies in our life and though process.

I was visiting with the family member a few weeks ago and this family member said, "We should do away with the government."

Now mind you, this family member is well taken care, this family member has lots of money, lives in a warm home, has nice automobiles and is generally very very comfortable. The irony in the statement of hers, is that if she looks at her life with a careful examination she'll see that her income is derived from a very healthy government pension fund. She also collects Social Security, her health insurance is covered by Medicare this in addition to her A Class state health plan, her son is a government employee, her mother receives Social Security, her mother has an FHA insured reverse mortgage and her son-in-law is an accountant who prepares tax returns.

There is no doubt in my mind that many people feel very abused by the government but alas many of them don't see the irony in their thoughts. Additionally in a society of some 300 million people it makes little sense to take on a libertarian notion. One only has to look at Somalia, Haiti and most of sub-Saharan Africa to deduce that libertarian notions, a society devoid of ordered government simply does not work. It is contrary to human nature to be left to our own devices. There should be a higher degree of control to ensure that people behave in a respectable civilized manner. Even then judging from the million or so people in our prisons, that doesn't always work.

I certainly don't advocate the kind of control that one would find under a totalitarian regime, I believe in an open society, I believe in a plural society, but in examining society one has to understand that many of one's compatriots, because of upbringing, background, education or lack of education may not operate from the same moral foundation as others. Certainly it's reasonable to understand that government has its problems, I see that and I understand that, but to throw the baby out with the bathwater really doesn't make much sense.

God in Everyone

2011-10-09T14:12:00.000-07:00

God so loved the world that he sent his son. God sent his son, part of Himself, Himself to die on a cross so that all of us could know love. Honestly, I sometimes find very hard to love humanity. I find it very difficult to see past peoples foibles, failings, meanness, rudeness and selfishness to love them all the time,
any of the time.

Realize that I am often very hard to love. Isn't that the key? When we look at others and we see their failings isn't it like looking in a mirror and seeing our own? When God sent Jesus he did so because he was radically in love with us, he couldn't stand to be without us. He knew without some radical action that humanity would end up separate from God forever.

The living God in his love and glory could no longer face the agony of being apart from his children. Something radical was needed. That's something was a sacrifice, the sacrifice of himself on the cross at Calvary.

In examining that sacrifice and how much it meant to humanity, then why can't I see beyond my own failings, and the failings of others? God can see past my feet of clay, God can see past my pettiness, God can see past my foolishness, God can see past my self-righteousness and He still loves me. God still loves me when I lose my temper, God still loves me when I don't love myself.

So what can I do? Perhaps I'll pray a little harder, perhaps I'll think a little longer before I speak, perhaps I'll step back when I feel myself getting angry and maybe that's all I should do.

Changes in the weather

2011-09-15T17:26:00.000-07:00

In the image, Me and John, Kim and her baby Kate.

Changes in the weather

I love autumn and dislike autumn at the same time. The clear air, void of haze and humidity and the brilliant light take me to back to happy times. John and I became an item in the fall. I felt renewed and complete once that happened. I was able to cope with the suicide of my friend Kim because John was there for me. Kim killed herself on October 29, 1992 and that event officially closed a significant chapter in my life and was the preamble to another.

When the light changes and the air clears my mind turns to Kim and John, two people I have been closest to in my life and both gone. In a way, both gone by choice whether rational or irrational, but both gone, and what’s left, a void. In both cases when they died, I wondered if I’d ever be able to cope with and reconcile the holes left in my life. I really haven’t, those holes never fill in you just learn not to tumble into them.

Last night I got to wondering about Heaven and meeting back up with John there. I wondered if he’d be there as a 35 year old man, the age he was when he died. I wondered what his reaction would be to me, a man greater in years than 46; or would our reunion transcend age and be a reunion of soul and spirit? I thought about Kim and if Heaven would bring mental clarity and peace or if she’d be even more damaged by regret and pain.

I suppose my prayer is that my reunion with both is just one of joy and peace and a homecoming of happy soul and spirit. I long desperately to tell them both so much and as a matter of fact that is one of my recurring dreams.

I reunite with John and we’re at the Parade, a club in New Orleans. I have so much to tell him, but he doesn’t speak or want to speak, he just wants to hold me and dance. The light is crisp pouring through the windows, brilliant and autumn clear, the music thumps and we dance. We dance in New Orleans a place of exuberant happy memories and warmth and that’s it. Well hopefully... perhaps.

I am ashamed to be a North Carolinian

2011-09-12T15:20:00.000-07:00

RALEIGH, N.C. — The North Carolina House of Representatives will decide Monday whether to put a ban on same-sex marriage before voters next year, Speaker Thom Tillis said.

The General Assembly reconvened at noon, and a House committee quickly agreed to bring the measure to the floor. The bill would allow voters to decide whether to change the state constitution to define marriage as between one man and one woman.
Thom Tillis said he expected the measure to pass with the required three-fifths vote — or 72 representatives — of the House, which would mean some Democrats joined the Republican majority in voting for the measure. The House must vote yes twice before it can move on to the Senate.
Voters could see it on the ballot during the May primary election. (WRAL Sept. 12, 2011)

So how do I respond to this without becoming emotional? When across the south Jim Crow Laws were on the books abridging the rights of African Americans; people in favor of those laws believed that they were right and in many instances would have laid down their lives to defend the indefensible. Now the State legislature in North Carolina stands all but ready to turn the abrogation of rights, of a segment of the population, over to popular vote. I am sure that large sections of the population will indeed vote to constitutionally ban same sex marriage and union, the clarion call being that the Bible states that marriage is the union of one man and one woman. We won’t even go into the fact that through out the Old Testament there are marriages of multiples.

I am a human; I am made in God’s image as all humans are. I am called to be what God has called me to be as all human beings are called. That’s what I believe. That’s what all fundamental Bible believers believe. Then why if this is the case can they, those believers not grasp, accept, comprehend that not everyone will be made to look and live as they do? Why then can they not grasp, comprehend that to abrogate the rights of some is not a loving Christian thing to do? Jesus said [Love God with all your heart, mind and soul and love your neighbors as you love yourself.]

Would then a loving person take such drastic measures to make it a matter of law to abrogate another’s rights? I think not.

So this is why today I am ashamed to be a North Carolinian

Rude...

2011-08-15T04:57:00.001-07:00

Rude...

How does one battle rude in a society where rude, boorish behavior has become the norm? Of course it is so easy to leap right to a place of rudeness when confronted with a barbaric behavior, thus rendering the victim the perpetrator. Additionally, if one speaks too often about the slights that one has endured or observed then one paints himself as a perpetual victim, which he is not.

That said; let’s look at Sunday, yesterday as an example. A friend and I were headed to the farmer’s market and were on a one way street and approaching a traffic light, a green traffic light where a man in a pick up truck had exited his vehicle and walked to a vehicle behind him to carry on a conversation in the roadway. What on Earth would make a person think that this is an appropriate action to take; blocking a lane of traffic and scoffing at the law and making the other users of the roadway either wait or go around?

At the farmer’s market my friend was purchasing a lovely bouquet of fresh flowers and the vendor was diligently helping him. A woman approached and waited all of four seconds before she interrupted the vendor and engaged the vendor is a five minute conversation about various flowers, their prices and characteristics; taking the vendor away from her task and making a customer, my friend, wait. In the end the woman walked off without buying anything. My observation, she never had any intention of making a purchase, she felt entitled to interrupt and she did just that.

Fast forward three hours to my weekly shopping at Kroger, where countless other shoppers parked their carts in the center of the aisles blocking all other shoppers; where other shoppers, mobile telephone to ear walked up and down the center of aisles oblivious to other people and even in some instances forcing others “out of their way.” This act is played out daily on our roads and highways too where if one is not driving fast enough, then one is tailgated and forced to move out of the way or off the road. Where getting there first often means that I will kill you or put you in harm’s way to do so.

The fix for these problems starts at infancy. Parents in our society have failed. We have raised generations of me first, ego centric, brutes that care only for their rights but take little if any responsibility and have no clue or understanding of what it is to be a lady or gentleman. We have failed to teach generations to let others go first, to say thank you in stores when a purchase is made, to move over and let others pass and to wait one’s turn. Is it any wonder that our roadways are strewn with litter? Why someone else will pick it up. Is it any wonder that all too often a gun, knife or ax is picked up to do in a family member or co-worker or neighbor? It is indeed a sad, sad state.

Not Alone

2011-07-27T04:52:00.000-07:00

Wow, what a concept. I'm not alone. I had dinner last night with two fine fellows who are becoming friends. We can talk art, art history, we listened to piano, we ate sushi. Mine was completely cooked the sushi that is. I just cannot bring myself to down raw fish. The evening was a delight. My Tuesday though, felt like I'd eaten my way through the day. Well...perhaps a bit more than normal. I'll compensate for that today.

Our conversation turned to family and as I recounted so of the tale, my friends each chimed in with stories of similar. Perhaps when adult siblings are too involved in one anther's lives there are problems. Truly this is well worth thinking about.

Silence and pain and a visit a day early

2011-07-25T04:25:00.000-07:00

After July 3 I went looking to find out the whys and wherefores of silence and the silent treatment. Essentially I wanted to know what the motivation is for the use of such a damaging tool. There is no doubt in my mind where its use in my family has come from...it is foreign to us, so that really leaves just one person.

What I found was interesting and enlightening. Many people use the silent treatment as a self defense mechanism. A sort of...I don't want to deal with this so I will say nothing device. Yet others use this technique to inflict pain on others. The silent treatment actually causes physical pain; it affects the part of the brain that registers pain. This is why a time out is effective on children, they are ostracized, and ergo feel pain and want to be back part of things.

I'd expect that the danger in using the silent treatment on adults may have rather different outcomes and indeed the psychological journals that I read stated such and indeed there are very different gender outcomes too. The outcomes are typical but of course with any human behavior there is always room for the exception. Men tend to just deal with the silent treatment and to a large degree that's what I've done. I think. I have moved to a rather indifferent place with respect to my brother and his wife.

This isn't to say that I'm not baffled at times. July 3rd was just one of those times. In the end, I figured it out and in the end my conclusions are pretty much in line with what's been typical in the last twenty years and to that end I feel...well...a little sad but mainly indifferent.

April Randomness

2011-04-12T05:03:00.000-07:00

Still silence from Lynchburg and still silence in Durham. My silence is not anger, just patience. Enough said.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A potential client really rattled my cage yesterday. Unfairly I believe. Honesty is a tough lesson for some; for many. A fraud was mentioned and I very diplomatically pointed out that the intent was such. At first I thought the mention was innocent, not knowing, but then two days later some anger directly my way with accusations of not listening, not being tuned in and not paying attention to details. Huh, the very thing that I was doing; cluing right into a detail; so in my perception an incongruity.

My first reaction to lash back, but common sense prevailed and I logically outlined my position and that was that. This person not to be outdone had to have the last word and final shot. My reaction, to launch a thermonuclear email and really burn the bridge, leave nothing standing. God and friends intervened and I paused, stepped back and prayed.

It isn't my job to help this person see her failings, shortcomings or dishonest behaviors, that is for her and all of us to work out on our own in our own time. My job is to stand my ground, have my say; which may indeed NOT be the last word and learn that my lot is NOT to thermonuclear a relationship but to let it pass, turn right onto the high road and move on. If she ever gets it, terrific, if not well I suppose that's terrific too; my concern is that I get it.

Room for Everyone

2011-04-03T06:23:00.000-07:00

At God’s table there is room for everyone, all of God’s saints, all of God’s lost, all of God’s broken people.

The path to this table is straight and smooth, the mountains along the way low.

So why then do some of us, burn books drawing divide among us?

Why do some who profess to be us, by their actions inflict pain and suffering?

Why do those some by their actions block the path to this table, this feast, this reconciliation, this communion with God and one another?

We should remember these words; Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you so that you may be children of your God in heaven: for God makes the sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the righteous and on the unrighteous.

So come to this table, eat and drink. Remember and pray for those who haven’t found their way yet for in these actions we find Christ.

Lesson Learned

2011-02-20T04:01:00.000-08:00

I knew in December when our tenant had applied and filled out a lease that there would be trouble with these landlords and indeed I tried to remove my self from their employ. They’d been clear that they were not interested in making any repairs to their home in Hillsborough, NC and had made a greedy grab for more security deposit.

Sadly, I didn’t follow my gut and allowed the husband to talk me into working for them. It’s easy not to repair a ramshackle home when one is comfortably out of site, five hundred or so miles away in New Jersey. From that distance water leaks from an upstairs bath to a laundry room below, moldy cupboards, gaps in exterior door ways, fogged windows and unreliable heating systems don’t seem so bad. The distance makes all of these issues abstract and unreal because from that far a field one doesn’t have to face an uncomfortable tenant.

In my position, having to look a tenant in the eye and listen to her explain that SHE believes that she’s been sick since moving in because of mold, or that she feels frustrated because one of the two bathrooms in a home that she’s rented doesn’t work is painful. People typically hire me to handle these problems; but these folks from New Jersey clearly didn’t and sadly, I allowed that to happen.

As of yesterday, I am no longer in their employ, they dismissed me; truthfully, I’m relieved and indeed I had decided that March 1; that I’d remove myself from the employ of the landlord. They did, indeed beat me to the punch, but this isn’t such a bad thing. In the future, I will go with my gut and stick to my standards; if I am being hired to manage a property then, I must insist on the tools necessary to do so.

Paintings 2011

2011-02-14T15:23:00.000-08:00

I haven't been writing much, I've been painting.

Help Tucker He Knotted His Tie Too Tight

2010-12-30T03:16:00.000-08:00

When a pundit starts a phrase with, I’m a Christian, watch out here it comes.

“I’m Christian. I’ve made mistakes. I believe fervently in second chances. Michael Vick killed dogs in a heartless and cruel way. I think, firstly, he should have been executed for that. The idea the president of the United States would be getting behind someone who murdered dogs is beyond the pale.”

Tucker Carlson, on Fox News, sitting in for Glenn Beck.

Wow, I think Mr. Carlson knotted his bow tie too tight and it’s cutting off the air to his head, oh if the problem were that simple. In one breath Carlson believes in second chances, deplores the killing of dogs and promotes the killing of human beings and claims that he believes in the redemptive foundations of following Jesus Christ.

In the quote Tucker is talking about the Philadelphia quarterback, Michael Vick who served prison time for dog fighting, a horrible act by any stretch and president Obama’s praise that he, Vick was given a second chance; something else that Tucker claims to believe in.

So, I’m left wondering, what Bible does Carlson read, and what is really behind his statement of cultural cannibalism, could it be that Carlson has a far more prejudiced agenda at work here? One can’t help but wonder. Perhaps Tucker would like to sit down with me for a bit o' Bible study.

Snakes, snakes, snakes, snakes.

2010-12-16T08:52:00.000-08:00

The tone of her voice wasn’t a quite a shriek, but there was definitely a panic like edge to the tone.

“Do you know what was on the deck today? A snake, a serpent was on my deck right in front of the sliding glass door for the living room.”

And so the saga of the spring time Rat snakes began.

For weeks the phone calls bounced between the antics of the snake or snakes that had taken up residence upon or under Marmy and Daddy’s deck and the biddy baby birds that were beginning to hatch also in residence on the deck and the pergola covering said deck.

When I’d tried to point out that birds, especially supple, delectable baby birds bring snakes, that fact didn’t really seem to register or if it did, it didn’t matter.

Of course living in the marshy, humid, sub-tropical climate of eastern North Carolina doesn’t help the snake situation either. The swamps and marshes of the down east empire present a Valhalla for reptiles. The bird, snake situation is further exacerbated by my Marmy, who makes a habit of feeding the birds every other day, so her yard is a veritable Audubon spectacle of avian busyness.

Is it no wonder that word spreads throughout the reptilian community that there is a birdie buffet on East City Road.

Such was the lead up to my Memorial day break at the house on East City Road 2010.

My first morning there was spent in cautious trepidation. As we sat on the deck, looking at the water, watching all of the birds, talking and drinking coffee; I kept one eye peeled for snakes. I inherited Marmy’s phobia of snakes, or so I thought.

The morning passed quietly and peacefully with no serpentine interlopers. Marmy, Daddy and I retired to the kitchen to make our lunch and whilst inside the decision was taken that we’d nosh while sitting upon the deck.

My food was prepared first and as I exited the house through the sliding glass door something liquid like started pouring down the left front post of the pergola.

It smelled rancid and in an instant I saw a huge snake on top of the pergola and it was voiding itself of mostly digested baby birds. Oh you vile cur, you horrible creature, I thought.

“Snake,” I announced.

Marmy was right behind me and in peering over my shoulder she quickly determined what the snake was doing.

“Where? Oh, gross…oh goodness…oh Larry, there is a snake on top of the pergola. Michael don’t go out there. Oh Larry it is crapping all over the place, ew, gross, oh how horrible, oh ew.”

By this time I’d put my sandwich down and had grabbed a broom and made my way to the deck. Daddy was right behind me with one of his canes and we attempted to get the snake off the lattice on top of the pergola. The problem was that the snake was HUGELY bloated in its middle after having feasted on some biddy baby Mockingbirds and eggs. Thus, we couldn’t get the hugely engorged serpent through the holes in the lattice. We had to bat at it with the broom and cane hoping to dislodge it.

My mother gave a running commentary at full speed while we worked to remove the snake.

After what seemed like an eternity the snake fell to the ground. Maybe it jumped, the poor thing was most likely weary of being hit with a broom and poked with a cane and perhaps weary too of my Marmy’s vocal antics.

While daddy and I were torturing the snake, Marmy’s running commentary went something like this…

”Oh gross, ew, Larry, oh yuck, oh it crapped all over the deck, oh God, Larry oh Michael, there is crap all over the post and the lattice and the rail. Oh gross, ew, oh yuck, kill it, oh careful, kill it, kill it. Don’t step in it, careful, don’t step in it you’ll fall, you’ll track it all over the place. Oh, gross, ew, kill it, kill it…KILL IT.”

You get it?

So the snake finally fell or jumped to the ground and decided that there was most likely safety under the deck, away from the maniacs with a broom, cane and anxiety filled running commentary.

I don’t know why, but I took off after the snake, my phobia all but slithered away.

The commentary continued, “Michael, you don’t have shoes on, Michael come out, oh gross, Larry he’s under the deck with the snake. Michael it’s going to bite you, oh Larry make him come out. Larry make him stop. Michael come out. Larry make him.”

Daddy ended the diatribe with the command to Marmy, “Go get my gun.”

“Which one?”

“The rifle.”

“Where is it?”

“In the case.”

All of my dad’s guns are always in the safe, locked up and well…safe.

Maybe it was the drama of the moment, but Marmy asked, “Where’s the key.”

At moments like this my Daddy gets such a wonderful wounded look. I didn’t see it but I sensed it because I was still under the deck with a broom and the snake. Marmy disappeared to get the rifle and I managed to get the snake onto the lawn.

“Here Larry, here’s the gun, Michael get back. Larry shoot it, oh gross, oh God, Larry kill it. Kill it, kill it, shoot it Larry.”

Marmy was clearly undone.

At this moment I had the oddest thought and I said, “Daddy either shoot the snake or shoot her. One way or another we have to shut her up and calm her down, if we don't she's going to have a stroke.”

Daddy pointed the gun at the snake and said, “She’s a pretty good cook, so good bye snake.”

Daddy aimed and with one shot, the snake was dispatched. Daddy is a great marksman.

That done, we went inside to eat our lunch, we cleaned up the mess on the deck after we ate....inside the house. The snake carcass was gone by coffee time, it was most likely taken away by a large bird of prey or a Turkey vulture or perhaps a fox.

The next day, after church there was another snake on the deck, most likely the mate of the now dead deck defiler, we however didn’t kill the new snake. We stunned it, dropped it into a five gallon bucket, and Marmy and I took it to the park and released it. All three of us felt guilty and sad after killing the first snake. They are vital and have their place but better to shoot the snake than shoot Marmy.

Billy Elliot and the infantile eating machine

2010-12-10T04:41:00.000-08:00

Billy Elliot

Oh, I’m sooo excited, finally I get to see “Billy Elliot.”

Living in the south has its advantages, long summers, short winters, beautiful scenery, lovely beaches and nearly three fourths of the year very tolerable weather wise. There has been a downside, no theatre to speak of until recently, a cultural desert aside from some fairly decent community and collegiate theatre, but no real first run kind of stuff.

My beloved Durham got smart and built the DPAC, or Durham Performing Arts Center. I was so giddy that my friend Ray and I immediately purchased season tickets.

In season one there was a feast of shows, “Mamma Mia,” “Wicked,” and others, oh I had fallen in love again. Go figure....I love musical theatre.

Season two has a bit of a different flavor in its line up. “Billy Elliot,” Shrek,” and other features that might encourage the attendance of...

CHILDREN.

And...

THEIR PARENTS, folks who don’t realize that just because a show features children that the show is appropriate for children to sit and watch.

In season one, we sat way up high, but for season two, my friend Ray and I decided that we’d really treat ourselves and move down to orchestra level AND center section. We’re not complete snobs so we didn’t spring for way down center; more of a modest, self-congratulatory center.

Showtime.

Ahh, we’re early, we can settle in, read our programs and eagerly anticipate a good show.

Things went well until about two minutes into act one. Then from behind us a commotion, “Excuse me. Thank you, no um, move over one, that’s right, right there.”

“Here mommy?”

Yes, dear, there, do you want a treat now? I know you must be hungry.”

“What?” he chirps out in all but a roar.

“Do...you...want...a...treat...now? Or...do...you...want...to...wait...?” mommy answers in perfect theatrical diction.

“Now.”

Rustel, crinkle, rustel, chew, slurp. “Mommy, what’s happening?” comes a mouth full question in a stage whisper.

“What’s that dear?”

“Mommy what’s happening?”

I’ve already had enough so I turn and I give the third grade teacher evil eye hoping that my dissatisfaction and powers of mind control will settle this situation down and bring the center section of the orchestra seating back to civilized dignity.

Rustel, crinkle, rustel, chew, slurp.

Those noises are like daggers through my heart.

Rustel, crinkle, rustel, chew, slurp.

If this continues I’m going to loose my mind.

Rustel, crinkle, rustel, chew, slurp.

Those sounds, they’ve invaded my head. I can no longer hear the singing on stage, I can no longer hear the dialogue, and I’m being consumed. My head is going to explode.

“Mommy what’s happening?”

“Billy is dancing dear. Would you like a soda dear? After all of that salt and sugar you must need something to wash it all down.”

“What mommy?”

“Shhhh, keep it down, would...you...like...a...drink?”

“Yes.”

Rustel, crinkle, rustel, chew, slurp, glug, glug, glug.

Focus Michael, concentrate on the show. Let the antics behind you fade away. Focus, focus on the show. That’s it, breath, focus in, find your che.

Rustel, crinkle, rustel, chew, slurp.

Nertz, it is no use. Oh if only I could summon some super powers. Some eyes in the back of my head that shoot X-Rays that would evaporate the people behind me, not charitable I know, but oh would it be effective.

Perhaps I could summon Super Mike and maybe he’d gag mother and the infantile eating machine.

Rustel, crinkle, rustel, chew, slurp, belch.

Maybe, my infantile eater will become so sugared up that he’ll bounce off the walls, brining a flurry of diligent ushers and usherettes to escort the eating machine out of the DPAC.

Perhaps the audience around them will become so fed up that they’ll grab pitch forks and run them out to the lobby and burn them at a stake as a mob of angry villagers might.

Nope, they stayed until the end, eating, slurping, chewing, belching, talking and picnicking so that all of us sitting near them could share their Billy Elliot experience and oh, the infantile eating machine, he could have cared less about the show but I was reduced to an emotional heap of protoplasm.

Splish, Splash, Splish

2010-12-01T13:12:00.001-08:00

I’ve known for a few weeks that I’ve been feeling a bit out of sorts. My body has felt kind of off my game, a little shaky and just kind of spastic.

Perhaps it was the ten days in Rome and the monkey wrench of time zones and jet lag?

Perhaps is was an hour fall back a week after returning from Rome, and just as I was finally becoming acclimated to U.S. daylight time?

Perhaps it has been trying to launch a new division in my business all the while keeping up with the stuff that I’ve done for seventeen years.

Perhaps it was a trip to Smyrna at the beach and back for Thanksgiving? Nope it couldn't be that.

Or...

Perhaps it is just the way I am.

Today as I was making my morning rounds of email, Facebook, WRAL.com, CNN.com and a variety of other online morning diversions, a voice kept calling out to me from the half bath.

“Michael,” was the sweet siren call.

“Michael, come in here, I need attention, you don’t want guests to come round and see that I’m nasty and then by default see that you're nasty, do you? Huh, do you, huh?

It couldn’t be. The toilet in the half bath needs cleaning again I thought. Didn’t I do that before I went to marmy and dad’s house for Thanksgiving? I know that I did. Still once that voice gets into my head, there is no fighting it.

Out comes the comet and out comes the magic toilet brush, a good one that really gets in there and gets the job done.

But wait, as I approach the vile cur there is something stuck to the bottom of my slipper and although the lid to the porcelain throne is open. I must stop what I'm doing and inspect the bottom of my bedroom shoe.

I don’t know how it happened, but my slipper did just that, it slipped and splash right in the drink.

Now I must clean the toilet and wash and dry my slippers because there ain’t no way that shoe is going back on my foot until it has about thirty minutes interaction with some Tide.

The Chairman's Voice

2010-11-27T18:18:00.000-08:00

Chairman Meow’s Little Red Book

He, Super Mike, is away; oh the bombastic notion of being super, albeit tongue in cheek; and to add insult; leaving one’s blog open, thank heavens. But oh the humiliation I feel, for me to read and to learn of my gastrointestinal distress in print.

Yes, on Monday I did have a minor upset stomach caused by my ingesting copious amounts of my own fur. What else was I to do but hack it on the floor? Does he think that this was a pleasant experience for me? Well it wasn’t. I suppose I could have gacked on the wood flooring, but it would have blended in and been difficult to see.

Plus, you can just imagine the abuse he’d heap upon me if I should let my lustrous black and white suit get tatty.

I lost my breakfast too boot and had to wait a full eight hours before my moist supper arrived. Why I thought that I’d perish and all the while he was sitting and tippety, tapping on that box thing AND making light of my infirmity. Oh boy, there are things that I could and should tell you about…him.

First my name, it is Chairman Meow Tse Tung or Fez, that’s it, one formal and one informal name, but he uses these only about fifty percent of the time and often calls me by other monikers when we’re alone together and rarely when others can witness the insult.

He sometimes refers to me as Nebuchadnezzar or Little Nebby. Let me be clear, I am only like Nebuchadnezzar with respect to my wisdom and Little Nebby is just plain foolish.

I'm called Baby too. I am not and never was a baby; I was a kitten of the cutest kind and have grown into a full grown tom who knows how to cherish his pride.

He is good to me. My litter box is cleaned daily, I get two helpings of wet food and clean water and kibble are always waiting for me on the floor.

He is sometimes loud and when home alone only with me will sing at the top of his lungs.

Or talk to himself.

Or laugh uncontrollably at seemingly nothing.

Still, he allows me to puddle up on the bed with him and purr to my heart’s content.

And when the monsters come to the house, I can manage to open the closet doors and find a dark quiet place to hide.

I do not however appreciate him making light of my gentle constitution.

Q

2010-11-24T16:41:00.000-08:00

I love the game. I love the excitement, but seriously, something happens to my manners and decorum as I watch.

Perhaps it is the bouncing ball. The constant thud on the hardwood flooring causes me to leak I.Q. points and forces my sensibilities as a southern gentleman to ebb.

At the ACC tournament three years ago my dear friend and fellow big mouth Dee taught me how to scream, “Sit down coach.”

Dee directed her howl at a well known and respected ladies coach from Chapel Hill.

Oooo, I loved the way it sounded as it echoed off the hardwood floors at Greensboro. “Sit down Sylvia!” Oh my, it had such a ring to it. Perhaps I loose so many I.Q. points during games that I lack original thought or the ability to adequately filter.

So in Raleigh, last night watching my team play Old Dominion University, I tried my version, “Sit down coach.”

She didn’t and I doubt that she heard me. Ten minutes later and in the second half, I bellowed again. Bear in mind that we were now some thirty minutes into play and I’d leaked a whole lot of I.Q. points and my sense of decorum and manners was all but gone. Why I’d venture to guess that perhaps I was half a generation out of a cave.

Similarly, it would never occur to me that my mouth, petite as it is, might bother a fellow fan and especially one pulling for my beloved Wolf Pack Ladies.
But oh the agony, Super Mike was wrong, I know perish the thought, Super Mike ruffle feathers, no way; especially not a kindred spirit, a fellow woolfie; a pack follower. Alas I was wrong or perhaps she was just a witch who’d infiltrated our ranks; a woolfie who turned and scolded me with the look and demeanor of an angry third grade teacher.

“Are you serious?” she asked.

Holding my gaze with a very accusatory look and repeating her question with a look of disgust and disdain. Just like my third grade teacher.

She went on, pointing at our beloved coach and stating, “She stands the whole game. So, are you serious?”

I weakly apologized stating that I didn’t mean to offend. Still her look of disgust held until she turned to her companion and related to her what an uncultured, oaf and buffoon I was and that I was in fact lower than a one eyed snake belly.

I was cut to the quick, mortified and humiliated by the fact that I’d caused a fellow fan distress and angst. I remained silent for the rest of the game. I clapped and I threw my arms up in the air, when we finally pulled it out at the end, but alas there was no more bellowing in Historic Reynolds Coliseum; well there was bellowing but my voice didn’t join the chorus. Lesson Learned.

You can't defy physical science

2010-11-22T11:30:00.000-08:00

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I love my morning coffee. I will sometimes get up early to start my day with a nice strong cuppa. If I miss my cuppa or two, or three or heck…the whole pot; well then I can get a wee bit cranky.

This morning I awoke to Chairman Meow gacking all over the house. Thankfully my first appointment wasn’t until ten am so I had time to seek out and clean up vile hair balls mixed with Meow Mix. Oh what a foul cat I have. Toxic waste comes out both ends.

After clean up and removing my hazmat suit I even had time to languish over an extra cup or two of piping hot, sweet, creamy coffee. I can write my blogs, I can surf the net, I can read other blogs and the news all whilst sitting in my jammies; watching the sun come up and sipping on coffee. Life couldn’t get much better.

But, my coffee maker doesn’t always get my coffee as hot as I like it.

And…

The light on my microwave oven that displays the numerals is, well, on the fritz. I have to kind of guess at the cook time I’ve punched in. Typically a minute thirty seconds does the trick for heating up my coffee but this morning I must have punched in four minutes thirty seconds. Way too long, too long I tell you, but easy to do, the numeral one sits directly atop the numeral four. Plus, I have huge fingers, kind of a handicap when it comes to mashing buttons.

My coffee was boiling; but stopped bubbling as I carried it across the kitchen.

Intellectually I know that adding Splenda to very, very, very hot coffee lowers said liquids boiling point. This morning however, I'm Super Mike and the laws of physical science shall not defy me for I have cleaned up massive amounts of toxic cat waste.

I couldn’t.

My coffee exploded all over the kitchen with just one itsy, bitsy spoonful of Splenda.

Maybe its time for a new microwave oven.

It must be Monday

2010-11-22T06:24:00.000-08:00

Ooooo, my bed is so warm and so safe.

I could stay here in the dreamscape forever. In my dream and in the distance I hear a steam locomotive coming. What a serene and peaceful sound and setting.

The dell is golden with blooming apple trees, why this is an image right out of Little House on the Prairie. Soon, I hope to see Laura and her sisters running down the hill through the cacophony of blooming wild flowers.

Gosh, that locomotive is getting loud.

It is sounding rather violent too. What is that? I’m not on the prairie, this is Durham. It’s Monday and that train isn’t a train, it’s my cat the Chairman Meow and he’s gacking all over my rugs. That notion that I was hearing a train is the cold hard reality of a hair ball.

Could this happen on the hardwood flooring?

Nope!

Happy Monday.

November musings

2010-11-16T09:14:00.000-08:00

November musings

Home Schooling

I do think that if children are home schooled that this should be considered for the right reasons. Those being, the child needs special one on one attention that the public and private school systems cannot provide. That the child is unable to function intelligently and rationally within the confines of the system and is then considered to be a disruption and must be removed from the school for the greater good. Personally, I don’t believe keeping a child home based on Christian principals is the right decision.
What exactly do the scriptures say…

"And it came to pass afterward, that He went throughout every city and village, preaching and showing the glad tidings of the kingdom of God: and the twelve were with Him.." Luke 8:1.

That’s what Jesus did; He went into the world, into every city and village preaching and SHOWING the glad tidings. Jesus is our example not to hide from, or run from the world but to go into the world. How sad it is that many who home school their children miss their commission to show the world what it is we’re made of. Why in some circumstances it might be fair to ascertain that those who hide from the world are just as bad as those in fundamental madrassas who promote violence against the world. Those who hide from and shun the world have given up on it and that is a sin. The sin, again from scripture;

And Jesus came and spoke to them, saying, "All authority has been given to Me in heaven and on earth. Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all things that I have commanded you; and lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age." Amen. (Matthew 28:18-20)

Simply, this commission cannot be achieved whilst hiding out at home. How will others see what we’re supposed to be doing when we’re hiding out from them? Parents who train and teach their young ones well have nothing to fear from a school system. Perhaps those most fearful are those who’ve fallen the most short in their job to train their children well, with strong morals, ethics and steadfast belief in who they are and what they believe.

Oh I expect to hear lots of whining that “Our children can’t pray at school.” That, “God has been removed from the school.” “That the schools are full of persecutors.”

This is all poppycock. At no time in my life when I have either shut my eyes or not, to pray has anyone prevented me from doing so. If God has indeed been removed from school, well then who is to blame for that? Could it be those who’ve taken up their marbles also known as their children and packed up and forsaken the system with a refusal to participate? Maybe. Could it be that those who’ve cut and run are creating spiritually weak offspring who when grown will not be able to function with, confront and respect those of a different mind, perhaps.

To wrap it up, many of those who’ve cut and run are demonstrating that they don’t love or care for their fellow citizens, they have shunned them and in that shunning, they have shunned God’s light in those who they’ve forsaken.

My Pathways to God: The Telephone Nazi

2010-11-09T16:54:00.000-08:00

My Pathways to God: The Telephone Nazi: "Telephone Nazi I spend a lot of time day in and day out on the telephone. I use voice mail constantly and I hope that I use voice mail c..."

The Telephone Nazi

2010-11-09T16:41:00.000-08:00

Telephone Nazi

I spend a lot of time day in and day out on the telephone. I use voice mail constantly and I hope that I use voice mail correctly.
I have several clients and have had a business partner who I will classify as telephone or voice mail Nazis. A telephone voice mail Nazi is an individual who phones and leaves the following message, “Hi Michael, this is Mary, call me.” Click.

In this instance the telephone is being used as a nearly lethal weapon, a control weapon, and electronic leash or cattle prod. My challenge is how I cope with this electronic terrorism.

I typically tend not to phone back immediately. Over time I’ve determined that these folks have nothing pressing to discuss with me. Typically when I phone back I’m faced with people who don’t remember why they’ve phoned me in the first place, people who really don’t have a question, comment or concern at all, but simply want to revisit some obvious fact or matter. I’ve also discovered that these jerks on the electronic leash come toward the end of a business day, in the evening when most folks are engaged in family time or toward the end of my work week; late on a Saturday afternoon. The risk then for me is that my patience is low and I’m tired and fatigued.

So…over time I’ve learned not to phone back on the day the jerk on the leash arrives. I phone back the next morning or on the next business day, when I’m fresh and can field whatever might be thrown my way, which is typically NOTHING. In the case of my former business partner, she would amp up her requests for a return call, even going so far to say that the nature of the call was an emergency. It never was, in every instance Henny Penny was simply clucking that the sky was falling.

I’ve noticed too, that if I happen to fall into the call back trap and then try to move away from it, the jerks on the leash become more violent…so to speak. With the advent of text messaging, texts come, emails also come, but the nature of the call is NEVER shared. Seems to me that by its name "voice mail" would clue folks in that like a letter, there would be a salutation, a body with the meat of the message and a signature or sign off.

I know that the phone and communication is the life line of my business, but I am going to give props to my friend Ray who ascribes to the notion that my telephone is for my convenience and I will therefore return calls when it is convenient for me. Perhaps this is the best way to cope with a telephone voice mail Nazi.

Stand in God's shoes....

2010-11-04T11:26:00.000-07:00

When you get so involved in politics that you begin to hate those with opposing view points, stand in God's shoes and remember, God loves them and you should too.

When a driver cuts you off in traffic and you feel as if you want to get them, stand in God's shoes and remember, God loves them and you should too.

When someone hurts you, and you feel as if you have to hurt them back, stand in God's shoes and remember, God loves them and you should too.

Folks typically don't set out to hurt, they sometimes just don't think and that's when we should remember to love them.

Rome

2010-11-01T17:10:00.000-07:00

Rome

Up until my last full day in Rome, the eternal city, I struggled with trying to find just one word that captured exactly what the city did for me. I tried exciting on for size and that seemed too pedestrian, beautiful fell short too and in the end my friend Ray delivered the word directly to me…inspiring. For me, Rome is inspiring and I think that I’m hardly alone in this feeling. For millennia the eternal city, the city of seven hills, the city on the Tiber has inspired humanity.

I could easily point to a thousand ruins or church edifices or frescoed ceilings but I actually found my inspiration in more ordinary settings. I found the layers of the city captivating. There is the obvious new tacked upon older, tacked upon even older and then integrated with ancient which I adored. There are also the layers of level, something at level with a building above at an odd angel followed by an arch connecting other structures followed by spires and domes gently floating above.

Rome’s layers don’t always draw the human eye up; this city draws the eye down too.
Most dramatically the Tiber has been boxed in on its level, low; followed by ribbons of walkway running along the banks some ten feet above water level to streets, promenade, parks and the city itself resting fifty to a hundred feet above the river. There is Trastevere set below the road yet above the river, there are ruins set below the city but above the river, there are catacombs which start at present city level and run way deeper than the river. Like an Artichoke’s leaves Rome is layers of civilization gently resting and pushing against one another reminding all who visit and all who reside that this has been and still is a very complex place.

Romans like their city are a complex layering of behaviors, habits and idiosyncrasies. I have never visited a city where so many people smoke cigarettes in so many venues. I saw a man light a cigarette up in the Vatican, no not the basilica but at the Vatican museum courtyard. There were no ash trays, no butt cans and no butts on the ground, a rather uncommon situation, but nonetheless this man did light up. The tracks at Stazione Termini are littered with millions of cigarette butts. No one seems to ever clean them up so they pile up. The streets are littered with butts too but I imagine that those missed by clean police eventually end up in the Tiber. Other than butts, Rome is clean, in large part to a veritable army of clean police who sweep, scrub and pick up the piazzas, the graffiti is troubling though.

Roman traffic and driving patterns are an experience in insanity and idiosyncratic behavior. Taxis fly at well over the speed limit, scooters jockey in and out of traffic, horns honk, drivers gesture and the streets seem always busy and busting at the seams. Yet, let a pedestrian step into a cross walk, stare down the manacle vehicle drivers and everything comes to a stretching halt. If in doubt that traffic is going to stop, I suggesting finding a nun or grandmotherly type to follow into the street and you’ll be assured traffic will stop…buses too. In the narrow streets around the piazzas and off the beaten track, Roman drivers will not hesitate to sneak up behind pedestrians and blare their horns forcing all into doorways or crevices between parked vehicles.

Waiters and wait staff run the gamut too. Meals are events; they are not intended to move quickly. Drinks are ordered, delivered, the meal is ordered and eventually delivered and then, you are left alone. Anglo Americans should be quick to speak up and question if they perceive things to be wrong. Roman waiters can be quick to lay blame on a victim or under served.

While eating in Campo de Fiori on Wednesday I ordered a bruchetta as an appetizer. Our waiter, we’ll call him Paulo, was inattentive from the start and I made note to my friend Ray that Paulo was not tuned into us. I ordered mineral water with gas and before he’d left the table to put our order in he had to ask me what I wished to drink for a second time. Paulo was also very interested in a soccer match playing on a television next door to his café.

My first course and drinks came and the food was exquisite. My brushetta also came but Paulo tried to deliver said appetizer to our neighboring table. Our neighbors politely pointed out that they’d eaten their appetizer. I watched the interplay, I watched Paulo spin around the patio looking for the orderee of the brushetta and then disappear into the kitchen. A side note here, there were perhaps four occupied tables that night. We finished our lovely meal and asked for the bill; another European necessity, don’t wait for it to be presented or you’ll spend endless hours waiting; using the international, my index finger is a pen and my other hand is a pad pantomime is fully acceptable so long as wait staff is looking your way. Paulo delivered the bill.

My brushetta was on the bill. I gestured and another waiter came to my table, Paulo was busy with something else, maybe watching his game. Waiter number two found Paulo. Paulo and Mario for lack of a better name conferred in Italian about the bill for brushetta and then approached the table. To whit Paulo quipped, “You didn’t get brushetta?”

Pleasantly I stated, “No,” but I also noted that I’d seen the brushetta come out, visit the table next door and then return to the kitchen after a waltz around the patio. Paulo wasn’t happy.

He retorted, “Why didn’t you say something? You should have told me.”
Yes, perhaps I should have. I didn’t and that was a cultural faux pas on my part. I used that rather snobbish American attitude that I shouldn’t have to tell someone else how to do his job, and I was wrong for that. I give myself comfort though…Paulo shouldn’t have been so enthralled with soccer and the hostesses and should have been more tuned into his paying customers and yes I let my huge mouth get the best of me.

Wittily which didn’t read across cultures I said, “I didn’t want to distract you from watching your soccer game.”

It didn’t go well and Paulo offered me a lame denial that he was watching television, yet he knew, I knew and the diners to my left knew that I’d embarrassed him.

My revised bill was brought back to me, less the brushetta but some three Euros higher in cost than it had previously been and lacking was the actual ticket. Paulo had only brought the debit slip for signature. Now I really was invested in the conflict with this waiter. I stood and went into the restaurant. In error I'd given Paulo my debit card without the bill in proper order trusting that he'd simply make it right.

Once inside Paulo immediately confronted me and asked what I wanted. I told him I wanted to see my bill. I was asked why. I said that why really didn’t matter; I wanted to see my bill. By now he was in front of me, blocking my way and really challenging. I was not going to back down or back away and he knew it. So…

I said, “This slip appears to be wrong and I’d like to compare my bill with the debit slip that you’ve provided for signature. I believe that I am being overcharged. I don’t think that this is an unreasonable or difficult request.”

Paulo and Mario then embroiled in a somewhat animated conversation, the shuffled through papers, they retrieved slips from the trash can, they compared a slip to my debit slip, they tapped on the computer screen that sends orders to the kitchen, they talked some more, all in Italian, and then Paulo returned and said that it was not possible to provide me with a slip that it was all on the computer. By this time I’d snagged a menu and I said, “Well then let’s add up everything we had to eat. It wasn’t that much and I ticked off everything that had been dined upon.

The owner or manager who’d been sitting inside eating was now up and standing with us. Paulo knew I had him and quickly without any consultation to the menu the owner/manager quickly opened the register and handed me nine Euros. The cost of the brushetta was six Euros plus the mystery three, a sarcasm charge I believe.

So, long story short, Paulo was so unhappy with my quip about his soccer watching that he not only did not remove my appetizer but he tacked on a three Euro tip. I was wrong for insulting this man’s machismo and for not speaking up and snagging my appetizer.

This episode had been preceded the night before with a four Euro charge for bread. Ray and I had wandered into the Ottavanio neighborhood adjoining the Vatican, San Angelo and the covered elevated walkway built to link the two, the Passetto. The neighborhood is a charming amalgamation of sixteenth century buildings and really has a very neighborhood feel. We found a lovely outdoor restaurant and in spite of a chilly night we dined outside. The food was fantastic and the host was very interested in us, where we were from and he shared that his grandfather was Italian and his grandmother was from Boston, MA. A cool story I thought. Grandma had fallen for a dark Italian...gee I wonder why?

Our bill came and there was a four Euro charge for bread. Ray was paying so this battle wasn’t one for me to invest in. We hadn’t received any bread. When Ray questioned our waiter, who by and large had been very disengaged and short, the waiter dumb-foundedly questioned, “You didn’t get bread?”

A simple succinct no was tendered and this waiter then had the audacity to say, “It’s not a charge for bread, it’s a service charge.”

The bill clearly said bread in clear bold letters but the fight wasn’t mine, had it been, some bread would have been going back to our flat at Bianchi Vecchi in a bag. Ray took the high road and the bread charge was the waiters tip. That little episode set the stage for my dealing with Paulo at Campo de Fiori, in Café Campo Fiori, located in the north corner of the piazza, just in case you're in the area...you might want to skip it or make sure to double check your bill and leave your sarcasm in your hotel room.

The final waiter episode involved the acceptance of a debit card for tea. After ordering, drinking and sitting at a café in Piazza Navona on our last day I was going to pay for our drinks with my debit card. The waiter told me this was not possible for just drinks. Anything else yes, drinks on a Friday afternoon no. Jokingly I related that I had no cash. The waiter seriously said, “You should have asked before you ordered if debit cards could be used.”

Here again we have a cultural friction. I am of the opinion that it is not my job as a guest, client, and customer to inquire about any establishment’s idiosyncratic rules or mores. My response was quick and to the point and I told this waiter that I did indeed have cash and that it was his job to inform his clients or customers as to the rules in his establishment. This interplay was very quick, simple and really didn’t register on anyone’s radar but mine. It does however illustrate just how different cultural expectations can be. I did learn to be very direct and perhaps this is why where I grew up in northern New Jersey is so spot on direct, there is a huge Italian American population. Being direct isn’t rude, it just is. My lesson is learned. By and large our waiters and dining experiences in Rome were outstanding as was our apartment.

Ray and I stayed at 27A Bianchi Vecchi just off Camp de Fiori and Piazza Navona. We were on the third floor, which is really the second floor. It seems that almost anywhere but the U.S.A. that the main level of a building at street level that is, has no number, one flight up is one and then two and so on. So we were on two but it was really three. The front entrance was secured by a key and the doors were lovely. The flooring inside the common space was all tiled and the rails wrought iron. The doors to the apartment were also double doors and they opened into a wide hallway with maple colored laminate flooring. To the left and at the front of the building was a large living room/salon with double windows which looked onto the street.

The living room was approximately twenty feet long by sixteen wide. The ceiling height was at least fourteen feet, there were two sleeper sofas, a huge entertainment console with flat panel television and an acrylic table between the two front windows. The décor was a cool fusion of antique and modern. To the right of the entry door was a kitchen and breakfast area and beyond that a lovely tile bath. The bedroom I stayed in was directly across from the front door and was perhaps fifteen square with a French door that opened to a courtyard. The flat was well appointed, well furnished and five minute’s walk to St. Peters and less than a mile to all of Rome’s other ancient and modern highlights. The only transport we used in the nine days in the city was the bus to the Appian Way Park and the catacombs at St. Sebastian. Rome is an easy city to manage on foot and it is amazing how fast one can literally walk out of the city.

I can count it one of my life’s joys that I wandered through the Vatican, through countless churches and along the Appian Way, which was splendid as was Villa Borghese. I stood amazed at Rome’s modern monuments, ancient ruins and interesting people. The Palatine hill was a tremendous experience as were the Aventine and Spanish Steps. I count it a blessing to have been able to have prayed in so many ancient churches to have been able to watch the changing of the honor guard at the Italian defense ministry and to have been allowed to saunter through Rome’s neighborhoods peeking in on her people. I found the fact that there are so many religious folk in the city refreshing and was impressed by the fact that Romans, young and old embrace La Dolce Vita. Still yet, Romans are amazing builders. In countless neighborhoods doors stand open and artisans paint, mold clay, restore antiques and ply their wares. Children visit classic Piazzas and learn to draw perspective as their forefathers and mothers did, accurately and scientifically. Rome wears its love of art, beauty, music and food like a badge of honor.

I think that I’ll always remember last night, when at Campo de Fiori, our host was coaxed by his co-workers to sing two songs for us in full beautiful voice. Our host like so many others in Rome feel no anxiety to openly and fully express their zest for life in full voice and for that I am grateful, enlightened and blessed.

The Herald-Sun - City says tents for homeless not legal at church

2010-10-18T06:09:00.000-07:00

In Durham, NC the homeless can pan handle on any street corner or even in open lanes of traffic if they have a permit, but a church cannot put up temporary tents allowing for a dry nights sleep without breaking the law. Now if the homeless choose to squat in the woods and on state right of way, which they do, that's ok too, no one says or does a thing. What's wrong with this picture?

I would hope that the complaining merchants on Ninth Street and Main Street in the vicinity of Duke's East campus might become involved in a solution to this problem.

The Herald-Sun - City says tents for homeless not legal at church

http://unfinishedlivesblog.com/

2010-10-12T16:31:00.000-07:00

To see how vast and how deep this tragedy is...visit often.

http://unfinishedlivesblog.com/

My missive in honor of national coming out day

2010-10-12T12:22:00.000-07:00

My missive in honor of national coming out day

Youth who are perceived as being gay or simply different are killing themselves at an alarming rate.

Gangs in New York who “think” that potential recruits are gay are sexually assaulting their prospects and beating them to a pulp.

Ministers professing to be followers of Jesus Christ indict from the pulpit fanning flames of homophobia and instilling the false belief that sexual minorities make a choice to be what they are and that those who don’t fit the mold of “normality” will burn eternally in the fiery pits of hell.

Politicians refer to gay citizens as fruit loops or call them dysfunctional and maladjusted and a danger to society and an American way of life. But they will hire them to earn them money.

The United States government marginalizes gay people by forcing them to serve in the armed forces in a damaging closeted way by not asking and not telling; and if those doors are opened the service men and women are flung onto the street, no matter what the cost to national security. All the while same sex couples are denied benefits, while they are taxed at a higher rate than their heterosexual counterparts.

The states and federal government refuse to allow people of the same gender, people who love one another to marry all the while the population at large says that we, gay people and other sexual minorities are accused of choosing to be what we are and acting in inappropriate ways. Yet, the divorce rate among heterosexuals is at an all time high and the damage that inflicts on children is routinely ignored.

Visitors to WRAL TV’s web log, lambaste Adam Lambert for being openly gay saying there is no place for him to perform and sing in our culture and some threaten worse. Here is a direct quote from that site; I hate to tell you this but people are not born that way![sic gay] It is an addiction to a deviate sexual lifestyle that is destroying our country. I don't hate the people I hate the lifestyle they promote. God will be the end judge, and they have an opportunity to change their life if they choose to.

It is time, past time in this country and in our society for the unrelenting attack on minorities to stop and for sound reasonable people everywhere to step back and really think about what is driving their bias. The first prudent point that I’d like to make is that it isn’t a LIFESTYLE, so many call it such; it is indeed a LIFE that is being spoken about. To assume that a sexual minority has made some sort of decision to be something that is reviled and hated by huge cross sections of the greater society is illogical and simply hides a greater more deep seated bias.

Then there comes the guised; I don’t hate the sinner, I hate the sin statement, in the WRAL post it is a tad more subtle, “I hate the lifestyle they promote.” God’s commission is to love humanity, all of humanity. What is humanity at its core? Broken. We are all broken and that is what makes us wonderful, beautiful and special. Look at it this way, if we were perfect, if there was nothing to work on then, why do it? Christ came to highlight our broken-ness and to give us something to work to, perfection and a meaningful relationship with God and all of God’s children. So, when from the pulpit, or stage managed stage or a web post, a person verbally punches, then that assaulter is denying love to all aspects of a broken society. Oh if the guy I was matching wits with on WRAL could be so flawless in his life.

To those that profess that gay, lesbian, bi-sexual, transgender people and others have “decided” to be what they are; let’s turn the argument around for one second. Tell me; when did you make a choice to be straight, if you are straight, and I'm assuming you are. Did you make that choice? You will most likely tell me NO, you didn't, that you were BORN that way. I'd believe you too! So if you NEVER made a choice to be heterosexual, what on earth makes you think that others make a choice to be what they are? There is absolutely NO logic in that kind of thinking; or, the other alternative is that you DID make a choice to be heterosexual and that decision would have at least been predicated on the contemplation of HOMOSEXUAL or other experience. So you all decide; those who bash verbally and otherwise; which is it?

So, after contemplating the preceding paragraph, I will expect an automatic rant from those in disagreement with me… that God will be the final judge. To that, I concur. God will indeed judge that what you do to the least you do to me. God will indeed look at the Gospel of Mark where the greatest commandment is to love the Lord your God with all your heart, mind, soul and strength and to love one’s neighbors as one loves oneself and God will indeed judge. God will judge in a benevolent and loving way.

I would also like to further point out that painting God as a hateful, vengeance filled psychopath is also very illogical. This God who is going to judge, so loved all of humanity, the sinner and the saint, that God sent God to Earth as Jesus to re-teach people how to love God. Through the narrative of the Hebrew Bible humanity had become entrenched in following rules and not having a relationship with their God, a God who loves every fiber of their being and every “flaw” in their humanity. So, if God so loves humanity it is illogical that God would torture those that God so deeply loves; that logic makes the gift of Christ the Messiah futile.

Those who bash, verbally and otherwise, we’re putting you on notice. The days of name calling, hitting and otherwise bullying are over. We’re here, we’re coming after equal footing with you and we demand to be treated in a fair manner, we know that there is a place for us at the American table and in our churches. We are not going to relent in our push to have don’t ask, don’t tell repealed by the military. We are going to demand equal marriage rights if we chose to marry. We are going to demand respect from and punish at the ballot box any elected official who maligns us. In the workplace we will no longer tolerate derogatory comments and you can expect to see our spouses at work related functions. We will also protect our young, those who are like us who are being pushed and bullied into suicide or who are being tortured and killed.

Fear and God's Children, my first sermon

2010-10-04T13:25:00.000-07:00

This might be a little tough to read, it was spoken. I think it went well. In reflecting it really is a heavy burden to preach and teach...SO MUCH IS AT STAKE.

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. (Psalm 23:4)
Fear is a big business. Contemplate for a second what we Americans spend per year on locks, alarms, self defense, video surveillance and weapons. We are bombarded by a twenty four hour prattle and rattle from news media that by its very nature and relentlessness attempts to instill fear in us, in all of us, and sadly they are successful a lot of the time. (amen)
• Right fears left
• Left fear right
• Anglo fears Latino
• Latino fears African American
• Jew fears Catholic
• Catholic fears Protestant
• Christian fears Muslim
• Straight fears gay
• Rich fears poor
• North fear south
• States fear Washington
• Churched fear un-churched
• Non believers fear believers
• This fears that
The list goes on and on. We are trained to view with abject terror anyone who looks differently, acts differently and thinks differently from us. Here is an obvious newsflash; in our human failing, we are all, different.

• You are different than you, and you and you, and you and me, all different. (amen)

We all come to where we are along unique, beautiful, and difficult and dare I say it, at times, yes fearful paths.

Each of us is made in God’s image, with Christ’s spark in our hearts but all of us broken, failing and fearful.

So what exactly is it that makes us fear?

Is this feeling of fear something new in our experience?
Scripture tells us no. Fear has been part of our nature since the fall.
In Genesis, in the garden, after Adam and Eve have eaten the fruit of knowledge; they are fearful. They hid from God, knowing that they’ve sinned and one might even deduce that Adam compounds his sin by trying to lay the blame on Eve.
8 Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the LORD God as he was walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and they hid from the LORD God among the trees of the garden. 9 But the LORD God called to the man, "Where are you?"
10 He answered, "I heard you in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid." Genesis 3:8-10
Had God not been a loving God, then God would have ended it right then, God didn’t.
21 The LORD God made garments of skin for Adam and his wife and clothed them. 22 And the LORD God said, "The man has now become like one of us, knowing good and evil. He must not be allowed to reach out his hand and take also from the tree of life and eat, and live forever." 23 Genesis 3:21-23
God clothed humanity, God took care of a basic need.
We see God’s comforting words at work through Moses in Exodus. God knows that we’ll have our failings like Adam and Eve, but he doesn’t forsake us.

Exodus 14:13
Moses answered the people, "Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the Lord will bring you today. The Egyptians you see today you will never see again."

How scary is this? Trapped between Pharaoh’s army and the Red Sea and in the wilderness, but God, our God is steadfast in love and delivers God’s people to safety. Ultimately they will get to the land of milk and honey, but the path will be a long one filled with doubt, failings and dare I say it, a long time in the very frightening wilderness. A wilderness where they the children of Israel will:
• Stumble
• Fall
• Fail
• And fear.
How many of us find ourselves living in a fearful spiritual wilderness?

(Isaiah 41:13)
For I am the Lord, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you.
God’s words in Isaiah are meant to comfort a weak and politically insignificant Israel.

An Israel who is facing vast and powerful enemy neighbors who will conquer, loot and inevitably disperse her population into bondage, forcing the people to cope with different people with different customs and strange expectations. That said; the ever loving God of Israel assures steadfast love in the face of no matter what. God knows in their humanness that Israel is fearful but as a father holds a child’s hand God holds Israel’s hand. What a lesson for us in our relatively comfortable and safe corner of central North Carolina.

Isn’t it amazing in this book, this Bible, that we find God’s love affair with humanity. Our story, our combined story moves from one fraught with fear in the Hebrew Bible to one filled with love in the New Testament. God’s ultimate sacrifice for God’s beloved children is meant to erase all fear forever.

Do we recognize and understand that when we buy into fear instilled in us by others that we are turning over the power that God, our God has given us as his followers and disciples?

Do we think about how we fail in God’s commission to us through his Son, our Savior, our Messiah, to go out into the world.

(Mark 12:30-31) also found in Deuteronomy 6:4Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.' 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' There is no commandment greater than these."
There is also NO FEAR FOUND IN these verses. Amen.

They don’t say Fear the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and all your mind.
These verses don’t say fear your neighbor and lock yourself behind doors all the while fearing God and God’s children.

Are we carrying out God’s command if we sit glued to television, locked behind bolted doors, clicking on the internet to keep up with the latest tragedy du jour?
On Wednesday in Durham two weeks ago there was a terrible tragedy in north Durham in the Hardscrabble neighborhood.

A father, killed one of his children, tried to kill two other children and he also tried to kill himself. Within minutes there were all sorts of comments, commentary and rhetoric on WRAL’s discussion board on line. People were angry, hurt, fearful, venomous, hate filled, argumentative and over engaged.
• How do I know this?
• Where was I off and on during the day?
• What was I engaged in?
• Did I post comments?

Not hate filled comments, but I was in the fray.
One might say that I was over engaged.
One might say that there were better things that I could have been doing, should have been doing like praying or offering myself in service to this family and community is so much pain.
So why the venom and verve from my fellow message board posters?

Why did so many feel the need to indict a family embroiled in a terrible tragedy?

Why did so many at their key boards clamor for blood justice and not see that there was mental illness and complete isolation and brokenness at work here?

Could it have been fear?
• Parents fearful that perhaps within them there may be a kernel of the capability to harm their own children. Think about Abraham on that one and his test, he didn’t have to go through with it…AMEN
o God said to him, "I swear by Myself, declares The Lord, that because you have done this and have not withheld your son, your only son, I will surely bless you and make your descendants as numerous as the stars in the and as the sand on the seashore. Your descendants will take possession of the cities of their enemies, and through your offspring all nations on earth will be blessed, because you have obeyed Me." (Genesis 22:16-18). Isaac was released unharmed.

 Talk about a fearful experience then tempered by faith.
• Fear that in this seemingly upper middle class neighborhood that THIS could happen and no one saw it coming.
• Fear that this could happen right next door and then we’d have to cope with the tragedy in some more tangible, real way.
o Face to face instead of hidden behind a key board and computer monitor.
• Fear, that it is easy to stand brave, to stand in judgment, in cyber space.
o One can say and believe anything and rarely is one called into account.
• Fear, that it might be happening to them, to someone they know and that they are doing NOTHING to stop the madness and perhaps they believe that there is nothing that they can do.
o That belief that one is helpless is terrifying isn’t it? Amen
Mark 14;32
32They went to a place called Gethsemane, and Jesus said to his disciples, "Sit here while I pray." 33He took Peter, James and John along with him, and he began to be deeply distressed and troubled. 34"My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death," he said to them. "Stay here and keep watch."

He, Jesus was deeply distressed and troubled? Yes, He was fully God but also fully human. Was it perhaps that humanness, that human in Jesus, in that garden, the night before the ultimate sacrifice, that night before the ultimate act of love, that even He was afraid, the human He.

• God wasn’t afraid or deeply distressed; God had authored what was to be.
• God the beginning and the end the Alpha and the omega, the one who with God’s words set all of it in motion; God knew the outcome and what it would look like and feel like. Amen.
This is where we, as disciples are called to action by His example, the example of Jesus.
God put God on earth as man, as Jesus so he’d experience the ultimate in fear.
• The torture
• The humiliation
• The grief
• The alienation
• The loss of friends
• The denial by friends and loved ones, amen.
• Maybe beyond fear…maybe even terror.
William Blake, quoted by Bishop Carlton Pearson in "The Gospel of Inclusion."

In the universe there are things that are known and things that are unknown and in between there are doors.
If that is the case then the doors remain ajar through which the curious can peak.
The tragedy of theology and our culture is that these doors have been closed.

With respect to the cross and the gift that was given by God at Calvary. Christ's sacrifice at the cross was God opening a door for humanity to peak through; to get a glimpse of what it is to love, sacrifice and give, to be the ultimate Good Samaritan.

That action by God enables human kind to wrap its arms around the ultimate act of love as an example to live by. I believe by that action we are commanded to be Christ like. We are charged to strive for perfection, knowing that in our lives most of us will never be called to sacrifice as Christ did.

So, when we're commanded to be a Good Samaritan and Christ-like and sacrifice in a small way, through an act of
• kindness,
• generosity,
• hospitality,
• a smile,
• being polite,
• loving the Christo-eclesia folks who attend church on Sunday with whom we might have friction or disagreements or out right hostility, it is indeed a very small challenge in light of the gift and love and passion of Calvary;
• a small challenge in light of the bedlam we face in our world second to second, minute to minute, day by day to simply love them.

Imagine the wonders that we treat others to when we offer a glimpse through that door with a small act of kindness. Think about the example we lead when we
• Pass our lunch out the window of our car to the homeless person begging at the side of the street.
• Think about the gift of a jar of jelly for a food pantry that can only provide peanut butter sandwiches.
• a donation to a soup kitchen,
• Picking up a piece of litter.
• Think about the gift we give when we smile and engage a store clerk, that smile disarms fear.
• Think about the difference any of us could have made if we might possibly have been able to reach, interact, and pray with that very, very troubled father in North Durham. That father who snapped and murdered his child.
None of this is a call for works salvations it is a call to set an example of what a follower of Christ is called to be.
As important, is how we treat those with whom we "share belief."
Often we share a common belief in Christ as a savior but we get mired in the nonsense of personal opinion.

These opinions that often have NO BIBLICAL FOUNDATION.

In our fear with our brothers and sisters we slug it out over
• Liturgy
• marriage
• abortion
• salvation
• sexual orientation
• divorce
• smoking
• alcohol
• the sacraments
• the clothes we wear to worship
• the music we sign or don’t sing

All the while losing site of the cross, the death, the suffering, the Resurrection and the church as bride of Christ.
We need to knowingly nod to our brothers and sisters NO MATTER WHAT THE FORUM;
We need to let them have their say, respect their stance, value them as human and love them without judgment, hostility or fear.
We lose nothing by letting them have their say, their opinion and conversely they lose nothing by letting us have ours.

If nothing is lost then there is NOTHING to fear and even if something is lost, then so what.

These seemingly insignificant examples are priceless gifts to opening the door and looking into Christ-like service. In light of Christ's sacrifice these small gifts seem like nothing but in fact they are excellent illustrations of how simple how fearless it can all be.
There is no fear in any of these simple acts. There is no room for it.

If we can overcome our self doubt, our fear of being found out; our fear of people knowing what and who we really are, then we’ve won the day, we’ve won the war. The war played out for the souls of our world.

Our commission in our weakness, in our brokenness in our fearfulness is to be the light of the world, to be Christ with skin on. To go out into the world, a place fraught with fear and pessimism and meet it head on. To show them, those out there, those who don’t know the love of God, that with God, that with Jesus there is nothing whatever to fear.

(2 Timothy 1:7)
For God gave us not a spirit of fearfulness; but of power and love and discipline. AMEN

Love the Sinning Sinner.

2010-09-14T15:30:00.000-07:00

“Ahh love the sinner, Ahh just hate the sin.” Say it with a deep drawl. Ahh= I.

“I love Jesus yes I do, I love Jesus but I will participate in any h-o-m-o-sexual behavior I want to and no one can tell me any different.”

The second quote, directly from a preacher, here in Durham, in a mega church where given the demographics of the church, he was a preachin to the choir, I’d swear I was the only gay person there at the time. Oh, wait, I was there through both Sunday morning services because I was on greeter/usher duty, and so then the only “gay” person at both services, yeah right, you should have seen my small group. At first I wasn’t sure that I’d heard right, kind of like when you get hit suddenly and by surprise, so I went to the good pastor’s blog-cast once home and yep, there it was. I NEVER went back and will NEVER go back. I can’t change his mind. It’s a pity too; he is so gifted, yet, so, maybe damaged, perhaps, and if not, then I’m left asking, why did he do that?

Here’s one for the record book; you know what Jesus said about homosexuals...NIL, NADA, NOTHING. What Gospel will we find Jesus saying, “I [God] love the sinner but I [God] hate the sin?” He didn’t and like the Christmas nativity scene that we yearly see set up in parks, on church front lawns...you cannot find it in the Bible. This swipe by the preacher, now at TWO locations, simple I think, someone’s got to be the whipping dog. It is unacceptable to use race, that’s been done, religion, well that’s still being done, sex, ok; they can teach Sunday school but can’t preach or handicap. It is A OK and easy to use sexual minority. Bullying at its best, the law offers “them” no protection. I’m not saying he advocated beating anyone down with fists...words do nicely thank you and can be as, if not more brutal.

As for the first little wonder, some ascribe its origin to Gandhi. Who knows and who really cares; it has been co-opted by those who use words to abuse. The how and why it was originally said are of little consequence. Are we charged in the Bible and in the Gospels to pick and chose the aspects of our brothers and sisters that we are to love? NO! In fact the Messiah sent to Earth, in human form, was delivered to us to put an end to the codification of our relationship with our sovereign God.

Is it any wonder that LGBT and others bristle at the love the sinner statement? Break it down, what does it say? The person making the statement...I am so magnanimous that I can lower myself just a touch to love you in spite of your vile sin, oh yeah, and aren’t I so much like Jesus by doing so, didn’t He kiss a Leper? Or, my sin is so insignificant that I can put it aside just a little bit and find it within myself to love you in spite of how wicked, disgusting and horrible your sins are. Or, I can overlook your wickedness and be a big person and still love you. Do you see how that might push the fur the wrong way?

Try this one on for size. I will love you, the sinner and hate your sin; so why don’t you, just not sin, you know, in “that” way. Oh, ok, I see, so I should spend my whole long life alone, marginalized so that you don’t have to “deal” with who or what I am. I can come to your parties where you’ll quiz me about my “wife” and “children” and I’ll nicely smile and say there are none. Or, I’ll be trying to conduct business with you, and you’ll ask, “Do you have a family?”

My answer, “Why yes I do.”

But you’ll push when I don’t volunteer more and say, “Wife? Children?”

And when I say “No.”

You’ll smile knowingly, having finally cut the truth from me, yet indicting me with that smile because you know my manners are too strong to simply come out to you there, at the negotiation table, because it might make YOU feel UNCOMFORTABLE. How loving and how kind is that behavior?

The commission is to love humanity, all of humanity. What is humanity at its core? Broken. We are all broken and that is what makes us wonderful, beautiful and special. Look at it this way, if we were perfect, if there was nothing to work on then, why do it? Christ came to highlight our broken-ness and to give us something to work to, perfection and a meaningful relationship with God and all of God’s children. So, when from the pulpit, or stage managed stage, as it were, a preacher verbally punches, and it just wasn’t gays, it was adulterers and others too, then he is denying love to aspects of society.

The Messiah came to pull us, humanity, out of the Old Testament and into a better place. God recognized that we were focused on “rules” and not God and that was no place for God’s people to be. God knows that people can’t live a meaningful life, a life of joy, a life of love by trying endlessly to remember and abide laws and rules. God knows the simplest of rules, to love, which in turn is to accept others where they are is the easiest and most fundamental rule to live by. Those who are religious and practice religiosity must live by codification, it is their snug harbor, and it is their security blanket because it excuses a lack of critical thinking, a lack of ownership and frankly a victim mentality. It is with an eye to that; that I am not bitter or angry, sad maybe for the preacher who bashes, for my client who questioned and for all others of a fundamental bend. Sad that they will never really know us because they won’t accept us for what we are and where we are. They cannot love our sin which is our brokenness just as their sin is their brokenness which leads me to this; does God stop loving us because of our sin and brokenness?

Nope; it is as easy as this, Paul in Ephesians 2:8-9, For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— 9not by works, so that no one can boast. I’ll love the sinner and hate the sin, is, in a word, a boast. We are ALL saved by God’s grace, love, through faith, and that’s it, end of story and really, it is enough.

My Pathways to God: Book Burning

2010-09-10T04:41:00.000-07:00

My Pathways to God: Book Burning: "The Rev. Terry Jones said Thursday he would call off the planned burning of Qurans based on a deal negotiated with the president of the Isla..."

Book Burning

2010-09-10T04:23:00.000-07:00

The Rev. Terry Jones said Thursday he would call off the planned burning of Qurans based on a deal negotiated with the president of the Islamic Society of Central Florida that the location of a mosque planned near ground zero in New York would be changed. (WRAL TV)

"I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ." -- Mahatma Gandhi

But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you" (Matthew 5.43-45 )

Rev. Jones says they will, then they won't, then maybe they will and for each sad change of "mind," and whim that this man has, the television cameras roll, the microphones are placed and "his" changes of tiny little mind are blasted around the globe. I wonder if we ignored him if he wouldn't just go away? I rather think the good man is enjoying his media manipulation and time in the spotlights.

My mind wanders to the simple question, what exactly does this man wish to accomplish by his actions?

Gain converts, nonsense, alienation does not win hearts and minds, it hardens them.

Fill his pews, hardly, today the Quran, tomorrow "War and Peace," "The NIV Bible," or any other book he deems ungodly.

A belief that he actually speaks for God? Pish Pash, history is full of people that believe that God was speaking through them. God doesn't need a human voice, God is God and his word is eternal. Plus, in Matthew, Jesus tell us exactly what we should do in face of adversity and there ain't no burning in those words, there is love and prayer.

There is so much to be done yet we are trapped in minutia fueled by nonsense and the exploitation of the twenty four hour news cycle. My main worry and concern, Terry Jones actions can place innocent people in danger as he mindlessly throws gasoline on an out of control fire of irrational fundamentalism.

Why Americans are so angry - CSMonitor.com

2010-09-02T12:56:00.000-07:00

Why Americans are so angry - CSMonitor.com

One wonders if this Heather Gass is the REALTOR with Prudential California Realty, the same one that has a highlight on her web site for foreclosed homes. The same REALTOR who has earned her living off the sale of Federally backed home mortgages. Can this be serious that she's angry, that she's protesting in the street proclaiming restraint when she has indeed earned her livlihood on what she now rails against. Surely not.

Politics Only Occasionally

2010-08-31T12:20:00.000-07:00

Politics Only Occasionally

Jesus was crucified because in part he railed against the political system of his time and yet He adeptly functioned within it until God’s appointed hour.

The Pharisees sent their disciples to Jesus. "Teacher," they said, "we know you are a man of integrity and that you teach the way of God in accordance with the truth. You aren't swayed by men, because you pay no attention to who they are. Tell us then, what is your opinion? Is it right to pay taxes to Caesar or not?" But Jesus, knowing their evil intent, said, "You hypocrites, why are you trying to trap me? Show me the coin used for paying the tax." They brought him a denarius, and he asked them, "Whose portrait is this? And whose inscription?" "Caesar's," they replied. Then he said to them, "Give to Caesar what is Caesar's, and to God what is God's." When they heard this, they were amazed. So they left him and went away."
(Matthew 15:15-22)

I think this kind of sums it all up. Jesus doesn’t call Caesar names; Caesar isn’t painted as the Devil, Hitler, Attila the Hun, Stalin, a Socialist or Communist. Caesar is painted as simply a man, Caesar, and as such what is his, is his.

Why then in our day is there such hate, animosity and treachery? Why have so many of us bought into the un-qualified, un-quantified prattle and rattle on the air waves? What on Earth would possess tens if not hundreds of thousands of people, many of whom claim to believe; tune in daily to either television, the Internet or radio to listen to a group of folks talk in highly rhetorical terms that lack true ideas, true insight and dare I say truth?

Any true believer by the very nature of following the Messiah, Jesus the Christ, God incarnate, should when this kind of stuff starts whether it is in media or in person, RUN, not walk to the nearest door. I might point out too that it DOES NOT MATTER FROM WHICH SIDE OF THE AISLE THE NOISE IS COMING FROM…RUN.

Yet, we don’t, we forget. What is Jesus' greatest commission and commandment?

One of the teachers of the law came and heard them debating. Noticing that Jesus had given them a good answer, he asked him, "Of all the commandments, which is the most important?" "The most important one," answered Jesus, "is this: 'Hear, O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.' The second is this: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' There is no commandment greater than these." (NIV, Mark 12:28-31).

I say participate in the process, vote, read, listen but don’t become consumed with politics and the partisan chaff; no good can come of it. Each and every side and facet has made their mission the verbal annihilation of the other side. Unfortunately many who are inundated with this daily rattle and prattle don’t know how to draw the line between language, hurt speak and actually hurting and harming others. The purveyors of “entertainment” that feed this frenzy laugh; they laugh all the way to the ad generated revenue bank.

I believe that the worst thing to happen to our society recently is the 24 hour news cycle. When we relied on the printed word, long contemplated and judicious thought had to go into what actually got typeset; sure there was prattle and rattle; but a lot less of it and it took us much longer to consume it. With the advent of 86,400 seconds per day to fill up with “something,” little if any thought needs go into the process. Truthfully in most typical days there isn’t even 3600 seconds/1 hour to “true” news. How then can we fill up a full day? We can’t! The media conglomerates and entertainment moguls must find SOMETHING to fill their valuable air time lest they not make money; and often what they find is dissent and hostility, the dissection and regurgitation of the most infinitesimal mish mash that may or may not be important and much of this disguised as “NEWS” when it is in fact “ANALYSIS” and “COMMENTARY.”

In a word, a final word or two…turn off the television, turn off the radio, turn off the computer and go serve your fellow man.

A Return to Traditional American Values?

2010-08-29T08:07:00.000-07:00

A Return to Traditional American Values?

EVENT DESCRIPTION--- (from Glenn Beck .com)
Throughout history America has seen many great leaders and noteworthy citizens change her course. It is through their personal virtues and by their example that we are able to live as a free people. On August 28, come celebrate America by honoring our heroes, our heritage and our future.

Join the Special Operations Warrior Foundation, Glenn Beck, Sarah Palin and many more for this non-political event that pays tribute to America’s service personnel and other upstanding citizens who embody our nation’s founding principles of integrity, truth and honor.

Our freedom is possible only if we remain virtuous. Help us restore the values that founded this great nation. On August, 28th, come join us in our pledge to restore honor at the steps of the Lincoln Memorial in Washington DC.

Yesterday on the anniversary of Martin Luther King’s “I have a dream speech,” there was a rally at the Lincoln Memorial sponsored by conservative entertainer Glenn Beck. The purpose of this rally was to champion a return to traditional American values and restoring honor in the United States. All of this left me wondering exactly what traditional American values are and if all of those traditional American values were worthy of returning to.

On an extreme level and in much of the United States for a long period of time; the ownership of another human being was a much accepted practice; slavery in and of itself isn’t a value per se, but the practice of accepted abuse, defilement and dehumanization was. I don’t imagine that any in attendance at this rally would propose bringing those values back but given how reactionary some folks on the right and left can be and how knee jerk and unenlightened some thought processes can be perhaps clarification of what the rally was about should have been articulated before hand. A couple from Florida was interviewed at the rally and they equate folks who aren’t working and collecting assistance to animals in a zoo. Hmmm, a de facto rationalization or VALUE of slavery was equating slaves to...animals. Was this honorable?

On an extreme level and in much of the United States for a long period of time; the theft of land from indigenous folks was a generally accepted behavior. Theft isn’t a value, it is a behavior but the generally accepted abuse, defilement and dehumanization of the Native American peoples would be considered an accepted value at the time. Now I am certainly not saying that those at the rally or those sponsoring the rally propose theft from others or abusing others, but clear articulation of purpose is required. For example a man named Don Jellema traveled from South Dakota for the rally, this man is concerned about immigration and a system of commerce that needs much LESS regulation. Is this honorable? Let me clarify.

Umm, ok simplistically less regulation works, but Jellema needs to understand that because there is so LITTLE regulation his 99 cent Lettuce is born on the backs of cheap, cheap, cheap migrant labor which equates to abject slavery and really involves stealing from others. Theft of dignity; is it dignified to leave one’s home, travel by night, sneak across the border and live a life in the shadows while performing manual labor for all but slave wages? Is this a traditional American value? Looking long and hard at our history perhaps yes it is but is this honorable?

In Salem at about 1692 neighbors vilified neighbors to the point of proclaiming witchery and then burning at the stake, drowning, and imprisonment without due process. Of course none of these are values; they are behaviors, which lead to value thinking. Thinking that because of some petty difference between oneself and one’s neighbor that the neighbor could be denounced, tried and killed, the value is in the thought that a neighbor is NOT valued. Is this a traditional value that we want to return to?

When I listen to the rhetoric from the podium and endless notes to turn back to God and honor, I understand and agree with those assertions; but I have to point out that our founding fathers and slave owners believed in God. They saw NOTHING wrong with their behaviors and VALUES. Similarly those who stole from the Native Americans believed in God, but they saw NOTHING wrong with stealing from the indigenous people, dehumanizing them and relegating them to “reservations.” The same is true of those who indicted at Salem.

So it is easy for me to sit here and tippitey tap out my thoughts, without offering a solution to any and all of this. In watching the news and reading the news Beck’s crowd was by appearance white and affluent. These folks had the means to in some cases pay $300 to bus ride from South Dakota to DC. To use a tax funded interstate transit system, tax funded water systems along the way, transported by fossil fueled buses powered by petroleum shipped in to the US through tax funded ports, fed by farmers subsidized by tax; clearly they have benefited from our system. Do they recognize to what extent?

Matthew 25: 35-40 "‘For I was hungry, and you gave Me something to eat; I was thirsty, and you gave Me something to drink; I was a stranger, and you invited Me in; 36 naked, and you clothed Me; I was sick, and you visited Me; I was in prison, and you came to Me.’ 37 “Then the righteous will answer Him, ‘Lord, when did we see You hungry, and feed You, or thirsty, and give You something to drink? 38 ‘And when did we see You a stranger, and invite You in, or naked, and clothe You? 39 ‘When did we see You sick, or in prison, and come to You?’ 40 “The King will answer and say to them, ‘Truly I say to you, to the extent that you did it to one of these brothers of Mine, even the least of them, you did it to Me.’ "

AND...if we won’t do this voluntarily and individually, and WE DON’T then we must do this collectively. It is honorable to be gracious and charitable. It is honorable to look to our past and recognize GREAT acts by human beings. It is also honorable to look at those human beings with a realistic eye, they were human, fallible and driven by thought values of their times. Our goal, our charge is to be driven by thought values of OUR time and OUR circumstances. Look to the past for lessons but reason our own destiny.

God is God

2010-08-27T05:14:00.000-07:00

God is God and God’s love for humanity is endless, limitless and eternal, otherwise the gift of Christ is diminished. I just finished reading an interview with Fred Phelps of the Westboro Baptist Church, the interview was in the Huffington Post. Fred is the man whose followers picket funerals with signs and pictures proclaiming that God hates fags, America, soldiers and anything else that bleeps across Fred’s radar. Side bar, the congregation is made of Fred’s family so it is very easy for him to preach to the choir; he has I dare say a very captive and damaged audience.

The Bible is a love story between God and humanity. Yes there are stories of anger and violence; but after each such episode there is often love, hope, compassion and redemption. Fred and his followers miss this, God is God; they miss this concept so eloquently illustrated by Carlton Pearson in The Gospel of Inclusion. “If we are being saved from God’s punishment, and if God’s punishment is Hell, then both God and Hell are one in the same. Who should we fear the devil and Hell, or the God who created both?

Thinking about this can make your head spin and dare I say that typically those with a fundamental bend, like Fred don’t think about this. Fred and his views and his hate are scary to be sure; though, my belief is those who are less vitriolic are much more dangerous and scary. Those who paint God as angry, vengeful and dare I say it, spiteful miss Calvary. God did not come for the saved, the reconciled, God came for the sinner; all of us, because none of us are sinless. None of us are always reconciled. Don’t miss me here, I’m not indicting like Fred and his lot, I’m pointing out our humanity, especially my own. This does NOT make us bad people, even those who are NOT followers of Christ. It makes us what we are, human and removed from God since the fall in the garden. We all sin, daily, every day and Christ paid for those sins. End of story, we are redeemed.

So what do we do with Fred and people like him? What do we do with the barrage of hate speak and hate action that we are assaulted with daily, in newspapers, on fair and balanced news channels, in headlines, on our roadways, in markets and in every sector of our society? How do we cope with preachers in the pulpit who spew venom, damnation and hate? Hard as it is, difficult as it may be, we do what God expects us to do, what God calls us to do, what God demands us to do; we love them.

We recognize that they don’t or can’t see the light of God in us but in return we see the light of God in them. God loves all of his children whether or not those children love one another or God. This higher calling to humans is difficult and testing. Our human nature leads us naturally to greet hate with hate, anger with anger and vengeance with vengeance.

Hard as it might be when we are assaulted, we must turn the other cheek both literally and metaphorically, if we don’t then we debase ourselves. If we don’t seek the light of God in others; then like the hater we become the embodiment of hate, like the abuser the embodiment of abuse, like the killer the embodiment of murder. We must seek to recognize that people aren’t bad, behavior is bad, situations are bad, circumstances are bad; but people, humanity created in God’s image are NOT bad and no man or woman or child no matter what their circumstances are beyond redemption. We must come to know that it is however impossible to lead another to redemption by shouting them down, demeaning them, indicting them or vilifying them. Those actions seek simply to drive the unredeemed further from the loving care of God.

Bocci observations

2010-08-23T05:34:00.000-07:00

On Friday evening I met my group of very close friends at Bocci here in Durham NC. Here is the web site for Bocci, http://www.bocciitalian.com The food was wonderful, the conversation scintillating and the weather on the patio warm but not over powering.

As we dined and talked I was struck by what a difference forty years can make in a society and culture. When I was a child and if we happened to go out to eat, which wasn't often at all, we simply didn't have the extra income or time; I was expected to stay seated at the table with my parents and demonstrate good table manners and not impose on any one for any reason especially Larry and Eleanor, my parents.

My brother and I were not permitted to run around the restaurant or to simply "do our own thing." Whilst sitting in Bocci, there were several tables populated by families with younger children. All of these tables bar none allowed their offspring to, well, run a muck. One table in particular found the fact that the young ladies with them could for reasons unknown to me, strip down the decorative Magnolias in the courtyard at the restaurant. These children repeatedly ventured to the shrubs and all but assaulted them, denuding the lower branches of the bushes and depositing the leaves on the family dining table.

In fact one adult even arose from her seat to help the little princesses in their plunder of the bushes. What I find amazing is that none of the adults, presumably parents, at the table found anything wrong with the destruction of another persons property. In fact NO ONE SAID ONE THING TO CORRECT THIS ABHORRENT behavior. Their wine, their food, their conversation was simply too important to pay attention to THEIR CHILDREN except to aid and abet after the destruction was already out of hand.

Of course I could write a novella about the little boys "playing Bocci," and where one of the large game balls ended up sailing across the dining patio and went crashing into the building with an ear splitting crack...but alas that is a different story. Those parents...on cloud nine too.

Which leads me to this...in fifteen years when these girls and boys are at driving age will they be part of the maniacal horde of tailgating, texting, cut you off to get there first drivers who lack any and all common decency? Will these children grow up to be the toss your litter on the ground because someone else will deal with it generation of socially inept barbarians? Will these and other children grow up to have the attention span of a gnat that needs constant outside entertainment to feel engaged? I sure hope not, but I can't help but wonder and to some extent be afraid.

A Mosque at the World Trade Center

2010-08-18T04:57:00.000-07:00

Psalm 145:8-9
The LORD is gracious and merciful, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love
The Lord is good to all, and his compassion is over all that he has made.

Wow, what a fire storm over a building and community center at Ground Zero; the storm rages all the way to the White House and poses a difficult lesson and decision. I understand the hurt, agony, pain and anger of those opposed. I appreciate that some would want the ground at the spot to remain hollowed and the "enemy" kept away.

When an adversary is denied, slighted, pursued, marginalized or persecuted; or even if they FEEL persecuted then they are emboldened. Hard as it is; we must graciously allow those with whom we disagree to make their decisions even if those decisions lack wisdom and common sense. When we allow ourselves to be consumed with hate and anger then we diminish ourselves to the level of those that hijacked and flew planes into the towers and inflicted grievous pain and suffering on so many. Hard as it is we must find a way to dig deep and forgive or else we become consumed.

One of the most difficult lessons to learn and abide is God's unfailing love for us; all of US, even those of us who may not even know Him. When the hater hates he becomes hate and ultimately hates himself. Look to any number of despots throughout history. Look at what they became as they inflicted abuse on others; examine the life of Stalin; how warped he was, how fundamentally damaged her was, how in the end when he fell sick his brokenness killed him, he had a stroke and his minions were afraid to open his bedroom door. Look at those in South Africa during apartheid and what they became. Look at Idi Amin and where his life took him. Sadly, look at those folk who angrily proclaim the Gospel and yet rant about a vengeful angry God; look at how hard their hearts are, how broken they are, how dare I say it...how sad they are. Is this what God wants for us?

The Psalm says slow to anger, steadfast in love; Genesis says we are made in God's image, Christ was sent as our model, therefore we are called to be steadfast in love. Sometimes that steadfastness requires that we sacrifice and indeed make the ultimate sacrifice, better we martyr ourselves than make a martyr of an enemy; you see a martyr never dies and is impossible to defeat, but an enemy or adversary who is loved is defeated by that very love.

Love, Grace and Heaven

2010-08-16T13:27:00.000-07:00

Matthew 22:36 Jesus said to him, ’You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it, You shall love your neighbor as yourself. On these two commandments depend all the law and the prophets.”

I had lunch with a friend a few weeks ago to talk about God. I still feel out of my element when asked to do so one on one. I am fine in front of a crowd, I can pray off the cuff at church, but when the rubber hits the road and I sit one on one. I worry, will I say the wrong thing, will I scare them off, will I come across as nuts, angry, vengeful, wild eyed? My prayer always is please God, let me come across as you would.

This friend had been "hammered" by the Old Testament. Yes, there are great, timeless and most relevant lessons in the Old Testament but as a follower of Christ I really have to go to the new and I have to go to Matthew. In God's own words through Christ we are given new commandments. These make all of it simple, we don't have to worry about blended fabrics, shell fish, milk and meat, hair, etc. we have to worry about two things. Loving God; that means spending time with God, praying to God, thinking aobut God and loving our neighbors. That means exactly what it says and loving ourselves. In theory these lines are "simple," in reality they are difficult and testing.

Involved in all of this loving is a remembrance of Jesus' sacrifice. In remebrance of that act we are called to feed the hungry, house the homeless, to be kind to others, to remember and serve those in pain, to remember those in joy and to sacrifice our own needs, wants and desires. Don't get me wrong, this is not a plea for work's righteousness, I don't buy that; there is one path to Heaven and that is Christ and through him God's grace, we can't work our way in. You see by God's kindness we are afforded Heaven and that model of His grace is how we are called to live. It is after all....the loving thing to do.

The Road To....Is Paved With

2010-08-13T05:10:00.000-07:00

REP. MICHELE BACHMANN (R-MN): “If Walker says that Proposition 8 in California does not survive the rational basis test, then we need to ask ourselves this question, is he implying then that the majority of California voters who voted for this measure themselves aren’t rational when they took this vote on Proposition 8?“

The road to....is paved with good intentions and irrational thought. Perhaps Ms. Bachmann needs a bit of a civics lesson here. Frankly, I don’t have much of an opinion on the whole uproar over marriage, my live and let live attitudes are pretty much, if two people love one another, are committed to one another and will care for one another then they should be able to marry or civil union or whatever and they should be afforded the same rights and RESPONSIBILITIES as the broader society. Anyhow...back to Ms. Michele and the civics lesson.

By her statement above, I deduce that this duly elected official from Minnesota believes that “we the people” live in a democracy. Majority make a decision and the rest of the folk then must live with that decision without recourse. Well, we live in a republic, majority decide, courts review and insure that majority isn’t denying rights in that majority decision; and if rights are somehow abridged then courts can over turn decision. Sadly, the folk that typically get hung out to dry are the judges; they get accused of activism simply by following or interpreting the law. Ironically in this case a judge appointed by a conservative president. This makes the howling from the right even more interesting and profound.

Ok, so back on track. Consider what MIGHT happen without judicial review or republican ideals...notice the small (r). A majority elect a man with xenophobic tendencies. He wants to build a society-country; strong and vibrant, wealthy, vital and secure in identity. In office without review he passes with impunity irrational laws which aren’t subjected to review; these laws take away basic civil and property rights of the minority within this particular society. The citizenry which elected this leader are helpless after a time to rein him in, the laws become more draconian, more minorities are targeted, whether they be civil minorities like communists or liberals or free thinkers or ethnic minorities like Jews and Gypsies or religious minorities like Jews, Catholics, Lutherans, Jehovah’s Witnesses or moral minorities like gays and lesbians. See what well intentioned voters wrought? They may have even been rational when they cast their votes but the outcome was far from rational and after awhile completely insane.

I’m not saying that we’re headed in the direction of Nazi Germany or Stalinist Soviet Union; I am saying that yes, voters ARE allowed to make IRRATIONAL decisions and then those decisions are subject to judicial review; holding those decisions up to the Constitution to determine of the majority are attempting to abridge the rights of the minority. Maybe Michele should remember this. Maybe the voters in Minnesota should remember this too the next time they vote.

Love not the World

2010-08-07T06:57:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I saw my ex. He didn't see me. I was glad for that. He was with his ex from before me. Seeing the two of them set off a whole bunch of anxiety in me. My ex's ex, doesn't have a career, he doesn't have much of a job, he's much older than we are, he's been somewhat home bound for 20+ years and my ex has all but supported him emotionally, understandably and financially, not so much.

I left the CVS after seeing them with all of those five year old questions bubbling up. Why didn't it work with me? Why are they back together? What is it that draws them back together? Why does my ex have nothing to do with me? When he left, he left, no call, no look back, no contact no nothing. Yet with the ex ex there is still relationship, there is still time together, there are still weekends at Myrtle Beach, perhaps, perhaps too evenings here in Durham and obviously trips to CVS.

When my ex left I had to come to terms with the fact that due to age etc. that the end for me and romance, companionship of an intimate source was over and that was tough. I'm beyond that now, life I know is rich, full of blessing, full of great people and joys, yet still I question.

July Randomness

2010-07-21T09:55:00.000-07:00

When business is slow I have time to ponder. This isn't always good. Days, weeks, months and years feel like they are spinning by out of control. So much time it seems can pass in just a blink and say ten years have passed, or nearly thirty years since high school; goodness gracious it was just yesterday. College; well I read the alumni magazine and see that friends and teachers are now grandparents or they've passed away. That is so strange, in my mind they are trapped in their teens, twenties or thirties and now they clearly are not.

At times I feel anxious because events have slipped into foggy memory, the house on Mineral Springs Road, John, times in New Orleans, time with Chris; who spent nearly five years with me and in a snap of a finger doesn't call or return calls. Additionally there is a family anxiety too; well chronicled here. There is a longing to preach and find a place in ministry and yet and anxiety about leaving where I am to pursue that passion. I feel a keen sense of longing for more simple times which I know were really not that simple but the persistent ticking of the clock erases those anxieties.

It's funny though, in spite of all of this jumble; I feel centered and happy in my life. All in all I'm busy, healthy and fulfilled but yet I wonder, what more is it that I want? I have great friends, great family, co-workers who by and large are supportive, a neighborhood in which I'm engaged, creative outlets which I love. So the question is, why is my tummy jumping when I put these words down? Hmm, maybe I'll figure it out someday.

Verbal judgments

2010-07-19T12:45:00.000-07:00

I tell you, on the day of judgment people will give account for every careless word they speak, for by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned.”

—Matthew 12:36-37

Obviously all people have feet of clay and all people are sinners. It really is just that simple. By God's grace we find redemption and only by God's grace, Jesus, I believe is the key to that grace. He is grace. To me it is that simple and clear.

As I get older I worry more and more about words. Words and often their judgements are mortal weapons. Often I don't think that people realize just how damaging their words can be. Today at lunch I was listening to judgments regarding Tiger Woods. I couldn't help feeling sorry for Tiger and I couldn't help but feeling sorry for the people talking him down. Yes, he messed up, sadly it is or has been front page news.

Why delight in this man's misery? Why delight in anyone's misery? What do we say about ourselves when we delight in another's agony? What light do we shed upon ourselves when we behave and use our words in such a way? What we do to the least we do to Him. I think that it is worth an effort to be gracious and to find a way to allow those that fall and more importantly those who fall publically a way to redeem themselves.

Sadly and all too often our culture verbally indicts without recourse to the indicted. Our words, glee and acerbic tongues act as judge, jury and executioner and that is sad. What is even more sad is the collateral damage, us. By not realizing what our tongues are doing we forget that at judgment day, before the throne, we’ll have to answer for our words.

Killing God in others

2010-07-04T10:03:00.001-07:00

What is it?

What is it that would compel a Southern Baptist preacher from his pulpit to proclaim on the Fourth of July, that the president of the United States is one of the antichrist? In reflection several questions come to my mind;

1. Where is the Christ driven love, grace and compassion in that statement?
2. What possible goal is contemplated with such a statement?
3. What possible good can come of such a statement?

First Timothy 4:4 For everything created by God is good, and nothing is to be rejected when it is received with thanksgiving.

Man, all men and women are made in God’s image and in each person resides God. When we demean, diminish men and women we are demeaning and diminishing the God within them. To paint another as him whose name I will not speak or as antichrist then we are killing God within that person and there is no Christ appointed love, grace or compassion in that. We can disagree with points of view, with behavior but the human is always human and therefore a divinely inspired creature.

The goal of such a statement is simple to advance a personal agenda, perhaps, to cover some sort of insecurity, to garner an amen from those assembled, perhaps none of the above, perhaps all of the above. There is no Biblical foundation for such a statement or belief. The blood of Christ washed all of that away.

What good can come of such statements; none. Any statement that kills God in another diminishes the glory and gift of Calvary. Statements as such make God’s gift to humanity less real to all because it blows open the door to kill God in all. Today the God found in the president tomorrow the God found in you or me. That isn’t to say that we cannot find individual actions of a human to be less than divine, indeed we can and our call in those instances is prayer and example.

What is the call to action? Prayer; all people are worthy of the cross. We may not like some of their actions, we may find that some of their actions are contrary to scripture and teaching; but they the person in which God resides in is always worthy of our love, grace and respect.

God a casualty

2010-06-21T04:39:00.000-07:00

The Bible illustrates a love affair between God and humanity. It is a love letter from The divine to humanity. In the love letter God commands us not to kill, not for the sake of just commanding but for far deeper reasons. Within each human resides God and by killing we kill a bit of God.

Elie Wiesel said, "The first casualty in any war is God."

How true and insightful. I wonder how we reconcile our human blood lust with these very basic commands?

June randomness

2010-06-04T04:23:00.001-07:00

At the moment I feel very unmotivated at work. I think that this mostly has to do with how the month of May played out. Busy in a word, exhausting in two.

Creatively things were good though, "Flat Iron" gave me a chance to check out here and there and I'm into "Lookout."

I am eagerly anticipating the begining of July stretch that I take and a time to recenter in Otway.

May 4, 2010

2010-05-05T11:45:00.000-07:00

As of three in the afternoon yesterday, John has been gone ten years. TEN YEARS. I cannot believe that a decade has past. Truly not one day has passed in those ten years where I haven't thought of him or wished him here with us. Truly not one day has passed where I haven't found myself even a little angry that a young man, thirty five to be exact, died all too young and all too painfully. Not one day has passed in ten years where I haven't realized just how rich and blessed my life is because John was a part of it. So many of my friends were his friends and in that there is a blessing.

For the most part I coped with yesterday better than I thought, though at around three pm I found myself angry. Very angry, nearly out of control angry and I couldn't rein it in. Unfortunately I did show myself, in public and that showing out required an in person apology and a written note apology. Each "victim" of my anger was gracious which made it all the harder. God bless both of them.

Yesterday, I also had to fight the urge to have a double Grey Goose Vodka Martini with dinner. I felt that pang to medicate myself with the demon rum or Vodka as the case may be. Thankfully, dinner with one of my very best friends tempered that urge. Rick in fact says to me when I want to slip back into substance and possibly abuse, "Don't do it."

Happily I didn't. So, the years are ticking by, slowly it seems sometimes and in the blink of an eye other times. I see my life segmented too; completely; life before John, life with John, life soon after John, life with Chris, drunk life and now. There are no promises for tomorrow, each day in and of itself is a blessing. Look for the good, look for the joy and enjoy the ride.

Bad behavior?!?!

2010-04-25T08:49:00.000-07:00

What is it about folks who behave badly and perhaps cheat, lie, steal and manipulate and then when caught turn themselves into the victim?

This week I discovered that a buyer client of mine was poached by another agent in my office. The buyer knew that he'd behaved badly because once I had discovered what was going on he started stalking me electronically. The other agent knew that her actions were wrong because she made her actions known to me in a very public setting where had I reacted at all I would have looked bad and embarrassed a guest to our office.

What is most disturbing about both of these people is that they to some degree have tried to turn themselves into the "victim" in all of this. The agent so; by becoming over wrought by the fact that I won't discuss this with her. You see, the damage is done, I don't need to discuss what's happened, I don't need to subject myself to bad or inappropriate behavior, I just won't do it. I'll forgive, but I won't forget and why should I? As for my former client/friend, the same is true, he's left me a message where he's all but blamed me for his behavior in one breath and in the next offered to "make it up to me."

I don't want to be made up to. It is too late on both counts for respect, which is what I did and do want. In each instance each one of these people could have come to me before hand and explained what they wanted to do and we would have come up with a plan from there. That being said, I will not subject myself to bad behavior and then after the fact be painted the wrong doer and be expected to assuage collective guilt.

What do you do?

2010-04-21T08:27:00.000-07:00

What do you do when you examine your life and you see that time and again that someone close is missing in action during defining moments?

I examine John's sickness and passing, I examine Kim's passing and I see one particular family member who is present in just a rather fleeting ghostly fashion.

This is Life

2010-04-14T11:11:00.000-07:00

Rocky and I just weren’t working, there was too much on again, off again and way too much drama. I knew too that I was drinking too much and I also knew that when this school boy relationship had to end it would be me that would call it to an end. Otherwise, we’d just keep bouncing off one another, year in and year out. We’d chew each other up until there was no taste and no passion left and then we’d just be together in our misery. I ended it and now I needed to get out of Wilson. There was too much emotion drowning me in that place.

I met John when Rocky and I were still a couple. With Rocky at his folks for the weekend I’d gone to Raleigh to the bars with my friend Charles. The club was crowded and smoky, dimly lit and loud. The music blared with a rhythmic base and once a cover was paid and one was buzzed in, the outer door kind of spit you into the sensually charged environment of CC’s. Charles and I got drinks, circled once as was our habit and then perched at the far end of the bar. With one drink gone and another on the way we decided to dance. Charles and I had been boyfriends but that didn’t work, as friends we worked.

As a rather self indulged, self centered, self absorbed young man who was in the habit of using up men before they could use me up, I kept my eye on the assorted guys who were watching us dance. That’s when I saw him. On the right side of the club a head popped up over the cruising crowd and then he disappeared only to pop up a few feet to the left. He had beautiful brown hair, longish and just slightly out of style but pleasing. Then he was gone again. He popped up even further left; he was wearing a tight shirt, stretched nicely over a muscular, but not overly so torso and jeans, tight but not too much so. He lighted and moved in front to get a better view of the dance floor and dancers. He was handsome and he was watching me.

I’d always thought and had been told by older gay mentors that the whirling dervish of the gay club was no place to meet a mate or life partner. But my question always was, “Well if not in a gay bar, then where?”

I was never given a satisfactory answer to that question. With a break in the music, I found my nerve. I never really lacked any gumption as a young man; I typically saw what I wanted and took it. I walked straight up to him and wagged my finger, for him to come to me and he walked out onto the dance floor and danced with me. He was my height, a little slimmer than me, well rounded in all of the right spots, his nose very prominent French. Well formed, not bulbous but there was no missing it. And his eyes, his eyes were huge and blue. I could have gone swimming in those eyes. The rest of the evening we danced and drank. His name was John.

Charles had gone off to find his own fun and John asked me if I wanted to go home with him. He lived in Chapel Hill, I lived in Wilson, and we had a big problem. The two towns are an hour and a half apart, but I said yes after John promised to bring me home the next morning, besides he was hungry and I wasn’t ready to let him go just yet, there was something about this man. Charles and I parted and I drove off into the warm spring night with someone I didn’t know, but his name was John. He was hungry and so we went searching for someplace to eat, his idea was the swank Magnolia Grill which was closed, thank God, it isn’t a place for after the bars, I’d learn this fact many years later. The Pan-Pan was open and we ended there, talking about superficial things, asking a lot of getting to know you questions and eating omelets. Then we went to his place.

Our first intimate event with one another was not much of anything. He showered, I noticed that, I showered too but where I took perhaps three minutes to wash the smoke of the bar off, he took thirty minutes. I wandered around his house looking at things. The décor was sparse; there was practically nothing on the walls, the place felt very transient. Finally washed he emerged from the bathroom and we tumbled into bed, mostly making out and exploring. When finished he went to sleep and I started to panic. I kept asking myself as I lay beside him, “What am I doing here?”

Rocky could come home early and I won’t be there and if Rocky comes home early and this guy, this John drops me off at my home, well how am I going to explain that? More specifically, how am I going to fib my way out of it? Then lies and fibbing were pretty standard, I couldn’t let my weakness be self acknowledged. I got out of the bed and moved to the couch in the living room, I tossed, turned and panicked most of the night and even considered hitch hiking back to Wilson. The problem was I had no earthly idea where I was aside from being somewhere in Chapel Hill or maybe I was in Durham. I had no idea where the highway was and so I’d just have to wait.

John was a sleeper. Seven am came and went, I asked him to get up. I had to get out of here. Eight came and he didn’t move. Nine, still nothing and I was starting to fume, Ten, snoring, eleven, stirring and noon up finally, and then another thirty minute long shower and he emerged agitated. Rightly so, I’d disturbed his sleep all night with my anxiety and the drive home was a long quiet one.

Random thoughts

2010-04-08T13:55:00.000-07:00

When I find myself angry with people; I try to remember that everyone is a child of God and God loves them.

I think about God alot, but do I think about God enough?

Happy Easter Dan

2010-03-27T07:00:00.000-07:00

Dan,
I hope you are well. Just wanted to send you a short note here at Easter time wishing you a happy Easter.

I certainly hope that you’ve taken some time this past year to examine why you (singular) are so angry and that you (also singular) are starting to come to terms with it and get past it. It is in quiet time that in our heart that God shows us what is right is right and what is not right is not.

You are my brother and I love you and no amount of silence or distance or anger can change that. I hope and pray that someday hopefully sooner rather than later you will engage with me, us, and that we can sit down together and have some time to move beyond this.

Happy Easter,
Love,
Mike

This and that

2010-03-19T14:30:00.000-07:00

So for a year, A YEAR, A LONG, LONG YEAR, health care reform has been on the front burner, on CNN, on MSNBC, everywhere and on the lips of every Tom, Dick and Nancy in Washington and outside of Washington who has an opinion, a bias an ax to grind and turf to protect.

So for a year, A YEAR, ok you get it, we have been subjected to this endless, ENDLESS bickering about how this will or won't work. The point that's missed well there are many but here's my point; we can spend trillions on war machines, we can spend trillions on highways, we already spend trillions on social medical programs; so then why, oh why are some thirty million American uninsured? And more importantly; WHY DO SOME OF YOU WHO HAVE POWER AND CONTROL AND MONEY, WHY DO YOU NOT CARE?

I'm insured, by the grace of God. I had a very good friend, ok former partner teach me how to work the system so that I could acquire insurance in spite of being self employed and in spite of a pre-existing condition. Of course I pay well over five hundred dollars a month for my insurance and well, sorry to say Blue Cross Blue Shield of North Carolina, it ain't all that great. If I contract cancer or some other catastrophic illness, it will destroy me financially if I decide to fight and live. Sad isn't it?

So to Congress, to Governors, to Attorney Generals in various states who PROMISE to sue should health care reform pass; you with your safe government SOCIALIZED medicine and one hundred percent coverage; I hope and pray for you that you'll never, NEVER find yourselves with a pre-existing condition and lacking coverage. I hope you find the grace, the courage, the nads to step up and pass a bill that albeit not perfect will at least afford thirty million of your country folk an opportunity for health care coverage.

I hope that you in power will think about these people when you next have to vote on billion dollar airplanes, highways and other ear mark bills. I hope you think about your country folk when you go to your doctor or to Bethesda Naval Hospital and you don't even have to make a co-pay and you are completely covered. I hope that you think about us when you have to have a CAT scan and you don't have to pay for it because, well, we pay for your health care.

Patience

2010-03-17T14:52:00.000-07:00

Colossians 1:11 (NIV)
11 being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience, and joyfully

Sometimes it is really difficult to be patient; well of course; following Christ is difficult.

Today I received a call about a potential listing. I am typically very excited about listings and new business. In this instance though, I had a bit of a history with the gentleman phoning so my guard was up from the start; the conversation was pleasant, well for a bit.

I hadn't been to this home, I had seen it on line including pictures and the place is very pretty. It was terribly overpriced but very pretty. Well the man eventually turned to length of contract and I told him that I don't take less than six month contracts. He started to get animated and angry; much like our historical conversation so I nipped it in the bud; I wished him luck and hung up.

In rolling this over in my head I wonder if I was patient enough. I guess in time and in prayer I'll figure that out.

The quiet time

2010-03-14T04:37:00.000-07:00

It seems that the minutes right before dawn are the most quiet. While sitting here this morning as the world started to lite and the birds began singing, my mind traveled back to sitting in a window; in a second floor attic bedroom; with my brother at my side as a young child.

Dan and I would often wake up early and sit in our window and look out on the world and what I remember seeing were grey mornings. I'm sure there were some sunny ones too, but I remember grey.

The memory is a good one.

Counting Blessings

2010-03-07T15:01:00.000-08:00

I have had a weekend alone. Well not really; given my career I am never really alone; I see and meet and talk to lots of people every day. I sometimes feel very much alone and lonely. I think it is mostly due to the fact that as a young man I lost John my partner and I've never really been able to get used to that hole in my life. I've really just kind of learned to work around it; to cope with it.

So, this weekend, Ray, Angie and Michelle were in Greensboro for the ACC tournament. Rick is in Canada, Jen and Mary were in Pennsylvania and my folks are traveling. My countless other friends I didn't reach out too and my brother, well my brother wants nothing to do with me. So my weekend has been reflective and enjoyable. I did have dinner last night with clients who are more than clients; they are friends.

Today, the joy of the weekend became most apparent. I went to Imani MCC here in Durham. It is nice to be back with my community. As Dorothy said in the Wizard of Oz, "The next time I go looking for my heart's content, I won't go any further than my own backyard."
Me too.

As I exit the car and make for the door of the church house, there is a familiar face. I face that I first came to know twenty five years ago during freshman orientation for college. It was Julie. Oh how I've thought about her all these years. How I've wondered what her life has been and where she's gone and then poof, here she is in Durham and she's treasurer of the church. The love I felt seeing this woman warmed my heart. God truly answered a prayer by her being there.
I am so blessed and so lucky to have so many different and talented and warm people in my life.

Meditations. choice, prayer

2010-02-21T09:55:00.000-08:00

Choice; I asked a preacher when he said that my being homosexual wasn't the ideal choice for humans, when did you choose to be heterosexual? I didn't get an answer. The questions begs, why? Could it be when faced with the question he couldn't find the answer? Could it be that the answer was a definitive date and time and if then so he'd be faced with his own same sex attractions and actions. I don't know and most likely will never know. These are interesting questions to contemplate.

So, with that in mind I've decided that my attempt to find a mainstream church, well integrated with a variety of people is at least for the time being not going to work here in my little part of North Carolina. So, with that said, I will head to Imani MCC here in Durham today. I need to connect with a faith community with similar beliefs, values and practices with which I can connect in a meaningful and deep way.

One church that I recently attended was too big, too impersonal and the preacher all too eager gifted as he is to smash from the pulpit. One church too disengaged to find a small group where I would fit. One church too liturgical and too stuffy and not Biblical based enough to hold my interest. I find that Imani MCC might fit the bill. I've been there once, the service, the music and communion fantastic. So, we will see where it goes.

Mean doesn't mean dishonest

2010-02-11T09:28:00.001-08:00

On Tuesday a guest speaker came to our sales meeting. She read to us out of the revised code of ethics for Realtors. She said that it was a violation to malign a fellow Realtors business practices. I agree with that, that behavior should be a violation of the code of ethics. But then...she said, with respect to writing and publishing, that as Realtors we are prohibited from saying "mean" things about other Realtors.

Ok,...so in writing I say, Jenny gave out my lock box code to her buyer and let them go into a listed property without my permission or my sellers permission.

Well, if this is true and quantifiable, then yes it might be mean, but it also might be true and therefore doesn't malign.

On the other hand, to say, XYZ Realty over chargers for their services. Well that could be construed as mean and unquantifiable and therefore an ethics violation.

So, I guess my point is that mean, untruthful and unethical are really not mutually exclusive. Interesting how it can all be spun. Still I think, the best way to act is to do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

48 years

2010-02-10T05:26:00.000-08:00

Yesterday as snow continued to fall on the northeast my dad and mom marked their forty eighth wedding anniversary. The night they were married it also snowed like a blizzard in New Jersey. So they tell me, I wasn't there, but I've seen photos.

I know that no marriage is perfect because no two people are perfect. I also know that marriage takes work, or so I've been told having never been married and being not so good or successful at relationships; but I find it rather heart warming that two people can marry and stay together for a long, long time, like forty eight years or even longer.

They were so young when they got married and they really grew up together. Actually, they also had me and my brother when they were young and all four of us really grew up together. That is kind of cool to think about. Anyway, looking at mom and dad's marriage from the outside, makes me appreciate their effort, they made choices along the way and I imagine some of those choices were difficult but with a partner along side perhaps more manageable.

Tea Party or Not Tea Party That is the question

2010-02-07T07:00:00.000-08:00

To say that folks get all twisted about taxes is an understatement. I don't like paying taxes but my mantra is don't get twisted about much, life is way too short. So there is this movement afoot called Tea Party, interesting yet albeit rather old concept. Nothing like everything old is new again right?

Well this demographic of mostly white, mostly middle aged...that is 45 years old and up is in a twist over taxes and spending. Ok, I get that. Anyone who reads my other blog or monthly newsletter knows that I am all for simple, sound and frugal living, but I also hope that people realize that I am a realist and that leaving a huge underclass in any society is recipe for civil war or international strife, vis a vis the middle east but I digress.

Here's how...

Take away tax spending and here's how the Tea Partiers might be affected...

Was wine served at their gathering? Are any of the California vintners who grow grapes subsidized to grow or not grow crops? If yes, take it away.
Did the Tea Partiers fly to Nashville to their convention? If yes tax dollars support this nation's airlines, airport infrastructure and even built the entire system. Take it away.
Did any of the Tea Partiers drive to Nashville to their convention using the United States Interstate Highway system. Take it away, tax dollars again; state roads are subsidized too so take them away too.
Are any of the Tea Partiers farmers, utility company workers, highway construction workers, bankers, health care workers, real estate agents, teachers, police, fireman, military, postal workers, transportation workers and on and on and on. Take it away, tax dollars in some way either directly or indirectly touch each one of those industries.
Did any of them get a college eduction using guaranteed student loans? Gone.
Medicare, Medicaid, Social Security for themselves or aged parents, take it away.

I think my point is made. It is easy to get twisted when you don't delve deeper and really look at the whole picture. These very angry people have benefited in incalculable ways by the very thing that they fight against. Yet as they eat their inexpensive food, in a well lighted, well heated, well accessed hotel in Nashville TN they fail to realize that they live high on the hog with creature comforts that all of us helped pay for.

I for one rather enjoy these comforts so, I won't get twisted over this one.

What do I do?

2010-02-06T11:04:00.000-08:00

What do I do?

A dear friend referred a neighbor to me who wants to sell her home. Oh happy day, right? Stop! Not always. In almost seventeen years of selling real estate I've learned to measure my enthusiasm to any given situation. So, we'll call her Sally, wants to sell her home and according to my friend, Sally doesn't really have both oars in the water. Truth be known, Sally doesn't even own her oars anymore, they are both out of the boat and floating down the river and Sally is just, well, kind of floating on her own.

Before I could get to Sally, she showed up at my office, unannounced and crabby, maybe not crabby, abrupt, although Sally admitted to me later, that she's not crabby, she's just been in a bad mood for twenty years. Sally was abrupt with my secretary/receptionist. Mind you now, my receptionist is one of the kindest most gentle people going, she is perfect, PERFECT for the job that she does; handling forty five real estate agents and their various personality limps and the plethora of general public curve balls that fly on a daily basis. So when I received a call that Sally was looking for me and that my receptionist felt that I needed warning, I thought ut oh.

When Sally arrived I was away from the office. I know, go figure and REALTOR who doesn't just sit behind a desk; one that goes out, visits folks, measures homes and shows homes. Sally was told that I wasn't in the office and so she left her telephone number.

I called that evening and the out going voice mail greeting was that of a man. Alrighty then. I left my message, trying to sound just as matter of fact as I could be.

I did not get a call back and so the next day, I left another message for Sally and this time I apologized if I had indeed been telephoning the wrong number.

On day three, Sally called me back. She was indeed interested in selling and would like me to meet with her at her home. We agreed that the next day at three thirty in the afternoon would work well for both of us.

At the appointed hour the next day I arrived at Sally's home. Sally's home is a long traditional North Carolina brick ranch. Typically these homes are three bedrooms, two baths, living room, dining room and family room and Sally's home was just that. The yard, overgrown. The front porch blocked off with yellow caution tape, the driveway covered in pine straw. No worries, all homes in a wet North Carolina January look a little tatty and worn. I parked my car half way up the drive and headed around back with my clip board in hand. Obviously the yellow tape was doing its job in warning me away from the front door. We'd have to deal with that if we're going to sell this place I thought to myself.

The carport of Sally's home is integrated with the house and is a rear entry carport. A very clever design element, the house isn't broken up at the front by a hole for cars. Sally's carport however was filled with stuff, piles of paper, trash, old tables, chairs, lamps and cardboard boxes; all of it just strewn about. The shrubs along the drive to the carport, covered in laundry and at least five, ninety gallon City of Durham trash and yard waste cans laying about. The back door into the house from the carport, propped open with a Dos Equies beer bottle. Immediately I am nervous.

I call out for Sally being proper and using her last name with an obligatory Ms. preceding the name. No answer. I yelp out again and finally get a response.

"Who is it?" comes from somewhere inside.

"Ms. (Last name), it's Michael Sullivan, we're supposed to meet at 3:30, I holler from the carport."

A long pause and I'm going no closer. I'm thinking "Silence of the Lambs," I'm thinking "Kiss the Girls," I'm thinking she might just be packing heat, these days I assume that everyone has a gun and on their own property or not will use it.

"Well what time is it, I thought you were supposed to come at 3:30, you're early." Mind you I still haven't seen the person with whom I'm speaking.

So with patience running a bit thin and nerves a bit jumpy, I answer,
"Ms.(Last name) it is 3:30 and I'm here to talk to you about selling your home."

Finally she appears in the propped open door. Sally is all of five feet tall and is dressed kind of like Pippi Longstocking. On her head is a huge, floppy straw hat with a bright sunflower tacked to the bowl, the sunflower is the size of my head. Sally is wearing about six shirts, I can see a green one, a purple one and a white one the rest is just bulk. On her lower portion, nylon sweats and on her feet, what were once white socks. I'm shocked, I try not to jump, but her appearance startles me.

I'm asked in and Sally informs me that she'll show me the worst part of the house first. The kitchen is a disaster area. It is worse than any crack house that I've ever been in, the cabinets are all wide open and appear as if they have vomited their contents out onto the floor. The wall oven is wide open and the door is being used as a shelf for cleaning supplies. Side note, the cleaning supplies haven't been touched in a long, long time. The floor, what I can see of it is filthy and the same color as the bottom of Sally's socks. The dishwasher is running but the front panel has fallen off and is propped on the counter. Sally is eating what appears to be bird seed out of an old Daisy Sour Cream container. Thankfully she offers me none.

The laundry room is behind me and Sally shows this to me next. This room is so full of stuff piled on the floor that we can't even get into it. There is an old wooden, accordion style drying rack against one wall and draped on it are some two hundred extension cords. The drying rack had the look and feel of the birds nest stadium used for the Beijing Olympics. I marveled that the drying rack really looked like a work of art. I was left wondering why Sally's clothes were drying on a bush in the yard and her extension cords were draped on the rack. I marveled at the amount of time it must have taken her to position all of the cords just so.

The rest of the house was filled with junk mail, garbage, old electronics, old furniture, bags of clothes, food storage containers and assorted stuff. Everything was moldy, everything was worn and there was no place to sit, thankfully. Through out Sally's home was evidence of vermin infestation. Much of the rubbish laying about had been chewed as rats and mice will chew and there were droppings here and there. I imagine that there were squirrels and chipmunks too given the fact that many of the windows were open and the house was ice box cold. I wondered where she slept. None of the beds had been slept in because the three that I saw were piled full of stuff that hadn't been moved in a long, long time.

As I walked through I didn't touch a thing, funny how a one hundred and ninety pound man can manage that feat in a house that's akin to what you'd see on the television show Hoarders. In the bedroom hall the pull down steps for the attic were pulled down and Sally asked if I wanted to go up.

My pat response, "I don't think that I need to see the attic or crawlspace right now."

Sally's bathtubs were both full of water which she used for her day to day water use. Plastic containers lined the edges of the tubs, the vanities and the floors in both bathrooms, Her reasoning was that the water smelled funny coming out of the tap and there were leaks under the house so she routinely had the water turned off and on. There was no heat, the sound of the heat pump bothered her and the air dried out her eyes. So she said.

With our tour done, Sally invited me to sit down, outside on a retaining wall to discuss her plans. I asked where she'd go, no idea. I asked about income, none, what we'd get out of the house would have to last the rest of her life. I guess she's in her late sixties. How did she come to own this home? It had been her parents. She did want to go back to work, she taught synchronized swimming. Truly a growth industry I thought.

Sally told me she wanted a small place in the country, perhaps Alamance County. Just a small simple place in a bamboo grove, where she could wriggle her toes in the dirt and plant some "ta' maters." Again, her words.

I told Sally that we couldn't sell her home until we figured out where she could go. In my mind this is a recipe for homelessness. Sally also told me that she'd had some strangers in to look at the house to purchase it. This scared me more, I asked her not to sign anything and NOT to let STRANGERS into her home. She did promise to follow my advice. Good grief, the terrible could happen.

Essentially here is a woman who has family and that family can't deal with her. Her words and theirs. Social services was contacted by my friend and per their evaluation, nothing needs to be done with Sally. So, what do we do? What do I do?

How does the wealthiest society in the world deal with someone who is on the margins both financially and in terms of mental health? It is unacceptable to me that we forget these people. I've searched the Internet for some sort of co-housing situation but Sally really can't blend with the types of communities that I've found. She doesn't have the tools to emotionally or psychologically fit it. Finally, I so do not agree with Social Services evaluation that Sally is fine and nothing needs to be done with her. Truth be told, they don't know what do do either.

What was the expectation...?

2010-02-02T06:22:00.000-08:00

What was the expectation…?

As I was wiping the kitchen counter off this morning I accidentally knocked a full cup of coffee onto the floor and made a complete mess, not a partial mess but a complete mess that required ten minutes of clean up. I used the time to reflect, why not kill two birds with one stone?

I thought back to the events of last year, family, discord, alienation and landed on the day when I received the email from my brother telling us that Julian had moved out of his home. That Julian would be accorded no support; emotional, financial or otherwise and I thought to why; why was that email, worded in that way sent to me and others? Why and what was the desired outcome?

The thought slowly came that I had been painted into a no win situation. If I should buy in and also choose not support, interact, help, listen to or otherwise love Julian, then I loose the opportunity to act in a selfless way and get to know a remarkable young man with a wealth of promise who for reasons of his own had to move on. Right or wrong, Julian had made decisions that were his decisions. We all fall, we all falter but our hope is that someone is there to help us up.

But if I should choose to maintain a relationship with Julian then I loose too. Although invited into the conversation by simply receiving the email, should I not choose the obvious, then I loose all interaction with my brother, his six other children and his wife. If I should choose this path then I will incur silence, alienation, shunning and fury; also an accusation of meddling and crossing a line to where I don’t belong.

Here’s where I could easily allow myself to become angry. I was invited into participation; the email was sent to me. At the time I didn’t realize that the guise wasn’t to simply inform me of certain events, the guise was, I’m telling you this and you have a decision to make; if the you make a decision that I deem incorrect; then you will have to pay for that in a most punitive manner.

Wow, well I’m not angry, I’m not even that hurt anymore; that’s not to say I wasn’t hurt. It’s like this; when a drastic change occurs in life, like the death of a partner or loss of a best friend; in time one learns to deal with the hole that’s left. The hole never leaves, it remains an indelible mark but those left learn how to maneuver around that hole so as not to fall into it or get caught by it, such is this case. Do I hope for healing and reconciliation? Absolutely, but there are caveats and criteria and my assumption is that I have not been granted a conversation because my guidelines are clear and I will not relent. My guidelines require courage, time and strength of character to confront because I will not tolerate the former status quo.

I like the South African model of truth and reconciliation; we can move forward and forge anew but we will not simply ignore the past we will address it and build reconciliation from it. I realize that in our situation not all of us are there and may never get there which explains the silence. With that in mind, I’ll keep praying, thinking and writing on the topic; it helps me manage the hole and gain perspective.

Snow days

2010-02-01T14:07:00.000-08:00

Psalm 37:7
Be still in the presence of the Lord, and wait patiently for him to act.

Two days of confinement in the house, more or less, gave me time to think, contemplate, pray, rest and reflect. The last month or so has been so full, so busy, rich, that although prayer has been part of the day to day...I usually start each day in prayer, the last two days have let me seek God in a closer way and rest in that place.

Earlier in January 2010 I felt as if I couldn't find the face of God and the personality of Jesus. The gospel of John helped me deal with that yesterday and the day before. Psalm 37 helped also. Often when I feel troubled or restless I seek answers in the Proverbs, the Psalms and the Gospels. The last three days with not much phone ringing and not much email has allowed me to find that pause. I think therein is the key, the pauses are there, we inhabitants of a highly charged over stimulated world must find the pause button and push it and then stay there from time to time.

With batteries reset, I'm ready to get back out there.

Love's example a tough goal

2010-01-27T05:51:00.000-08:00

1 Corinthians 13:4-7
Love is always patient and kind; it is never jealous; love is never boastful or conceited; it is never rude or selfish; it does not take offence, and is not resentful. Love takes no pleasure in other people’s sins but delights in the truth; it is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope, and to endure whatever comes.

When I read this scripture this morning I realized that all too often when a preacher is expounding on this passage, they preach and teach on the verse up to the word resentful. So, I started to look at the rest of the verse and to pray on that.

Love takes no pleasure in other people’s sins; or love takes no pleasure in other people’s misery. Often what is our sin is also our misery, our living hell. You see, it might be reasonable to think or believe that hell isn’t a destination per se but rather a place in which we put ourselves with our actions and inactions. If we walk with the light of God, the light of Christ as our spirit and guide then we can’t take pleasure in other’s misery or even our own. Wow, knock my socks off on that.

Saying we can’t is a pretty lofty expectation though. Maybe a better turn of phrase is that we shouldn’t take pleasure in other’s misery. This part of the verse is an excellent example of how humans fall short; obviously only a perfect person is the only person who could always overlook with no pleasure another’s failings; that perfect person would of course be the One, the Great I am, the Son of Man, Christ who came as flesh and remains as spirit to teach and lead as example. What people can pray for is the strength to rise to His example; to try.

As a believer, a thinker and a hoper, which is what I believe a follower of Christ is; then through that belief and trust we should endeavor to excuse other’s transgressions; help rescue them from their misery and hope and trust that God will guide us to those ends. No small task indeed.

"We love Him because He first loved us."

2010-01-21T14:10:00.000-08:00

"We love Him because He first loved us."

~1 John 4:9-10~

In the old Testament God is an active participant in Israel's internal and external fights, wars and conflicts. With Christ the Messiah God clearly takes on a very different role in humanity and humanity's conflicts. By the actions of his ministry Christ demonstrates and models the love that we humans should have for all. God through Christ shows the world that he is come to demonstrate boundless and endless love, a love that knows no bounds; a love that only requires asking for forgiveness and redemption. Pretty cool.

One wonders....

2010-01-20T13:19:00.000-08:00

One wonders…

One wonders what America looks like from the outside. I use America in this instance to describe the United States, if you have a problem there, every time you see America substitute United States. We are a strong resilient people who every generation or so, since our beginning have re-invented ourselves. Yet, when some nut gets on an airplane on Christmas day 2009 and tires to blow himself up with an underwear bomb, some of us and our government come completely undone and unglued. We must look like a bunch of nincompoops from the outside.

The only person hurt on Christmas Day 2009 was the bomber. He did not succeed. There were failures in the system of course, given the fact that he got so far, but this incident was hardly worth the melt down it caused. Looking at the situation pragmatically, he tried to blow himself up and American citizens stepped up to the plate and subdued him, just like they subdued Richard Reid the shoe bomber. At our heart, we American citizens understand that we are in a war, that there are risks, that our government cannot protect us all of the time and that we the people will be called upon to step up and at times take matters into our own hands. This realization started on September 11, 2001 on United flight 93 when against all odds American citizens took their fate and their destiny into their hands and fought back. They understood what could happen and they didn’t let that fear paralyze them.

This in and of itself is one of the factors that make this huge hodge podge of a nation great. If given the facts, if given the consequences, if give the very worst case scenario; Americans will take in and process that information and deal with it as it comes. We as a people know that it is illogical, it is insane, it is silly to let a great nation paralyze itself in contemplation of teenagers strapping explosives to their bodies and committing suicide while attacking our civilian infrastructure.

My advice to those in power, stop behaving like Henny Penny when there is an event. Give us straight forward facts and tools to be vigilant and from the outside America will cease looking like a bunch of neurotic fradie cats.

The face of God and the personality of Jesus

2010-01-13T05:39:00.000-08:00

1 Peter 1:15-16 ©
Be holy in all you do, since it is the Holy One who has called you, and scripture says: Be holy, for I am holy.

I am having a hard time finding the face of God and the personality of Jesus. Recently I feel just kind of disconnected and have been unable to find an emotional connection. I find this more than a little disturbing because I am not aware of ever having this problem before.

I wonder if this is a function of being too busy to actually find time to find center, that peaceful, quiet place where prayer and meditation comes easily. Perhaps too this is a function of feeling a bit lonely. A friend and I were discussing loneliness and being alone and he didn't seem to be able to connect that even in the company of others it is possible to feel lonely.

I also think that I am trying to cope with the fact that a decade has passed since John got sick and died and that fact is somewhat staggering for me. The decade represents a lifetime or two and life altering changes on more than one front. It is amazing to me that after so much time I still think about him everyday and still miss him so much that it causes my heart to ache.

Christ a Crisis is the Life of God

2010-01-02T14:24:00.000-08:00

I am reading Jack Miles, “Christ a Crisis in the Life of God.” Anyone who professes to be a follower of Christ and serious about their belief should read this book. I am not finished with the book but the major take away for me so far and an enlightening ah, ha for me is; when reading the Bible pay close attention to exactly what is written.

For example, Nicodemus first meeting with Jesus in John 3:1.

1Now there was a man of the Pharisees named Nicodemus, a member of the Jewish ruling council. 2He came to Jesus at night and said, "Rabbi, we know you are a teacher who has come from God. For no one could perform the miraculous signs you are doing if God were not with him."

3In reply Jesus declared, "I tell you the truth, no one can see the kingdom of God unless he is born again.[a]"
4"How can a man be born when he is old?" Nicodemus asked. "Surely he cannot enter a second time into his mother's womb to be born!"
5Jesus answered, "I tell you the truth, no one can enter the kingdom of God unless he is born of water and the Spirit. 6Flesh gives birth to flesh, but the Spirit[b] gives birth to spirit. 7You should not be surprised at my saying, 'You[c] must be born again.' 8The wind blows wherever it pleases. You hear its sound, but you cannot tell where it comes from or where it is going. So it is with everyone born of the Spirit."

Nicodemus is a Pharisee, he therefore believed in an afterlife, and he comes to see Jesus. He is a ruler, he comes at night and he knows of Jesus miraculous signs.
Jesus does not acknowledge or dispute his miraculous signs; he moves on and talks about being born again. He also talks about wind; interestingly wind and spirit identified by ancient Hebrews as living and one in the same. Miles goes into much more detail truly pulling apart the verse and revealing subtle important factors.

The title in and of itself is fascinating and relevant too. In order to reconcile his people to him, God does indeed create a crisis of sorts in his life. God sends himself to Earth to live and ultimately die and be born again; paying the ultimate price for all of humanity in a complete transformation in many respects from the God of the Old Testament.

2009 in Retrospect

2009-12-31T08:18:00.000-08:00

No doubt about it there has been some drama this year. No doubt about it either, most of the family stuff has really calmed down; it couldn't help but calm down when there is no communication.

Happily "friends" who decided to intervene as a thoughtless mouth piece have dissolved away to simply parrot to themselves in isolation and in commune with their handler. So be it, what kind of clarity can come from that far out anyway; this is kind of akin to proclaiming the beauty of a flower on Maui from Pluto with a naked eye; impossible at best given the distance.

Joyously Julian will attend E.C. Glass High School in just a few short weeks. His studies finally caught up in a rather grueling semester and his community service nearly complete. He has a job too and was delightful company at Thanksgiving. He and Carole got along like long lost friends. We'll work on getting Julian graduated from high school and then hopefully into NC State or North Carolina Central University or where ever he chooses to go. Those will be his choices as an adult man. We are thankful to the kindness of strangers who paid his legal fees and kept him out of potentially multiple forms of incarceration; the least of which potentially the worst.

In thinking through the lessons of the year and rolling so much of it over with mom and dad from time to time, there is a kind of crystalline clarity on our part that has evolved; this around lessons learned. On Christmas day we talked about children and what they learn from observing their parents; and the question that came to all of us was; is it ok to teach a child that if they disagree with someone and that persons choices that it is ok to cut all communication and support; is it ok to shun and disown? Of course not, children learn what they see.

To take that course of action telegraphs to all of the children involved, that someday down the road, when that adult child has a disagreement with a parent or siblings, coworkers, aunts, uncles, grandparents, they can then walk away and wash their hands of it. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. This doesn't always mean tit for tat, this can mean, you reap what you sow. Cast those destructive seeds on the land and someday that might be your unwanted harvest.

We also chewed on the apology, "I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings."

This isn't an apology. This isn't I regret what I've said; it is a deliberate dodge at accountability and amends. Of course we figured that one out on the night it was said.

We've also chewed on the accusations that "You went public with the problems." Uh?
To which my response is, so what? Nothing good can come of covering up a problem, not discussing a problem, pretending there is no problem. Truly for a long time I was guilty of not addressing problems and look to where it has lead us. At its core to pretend to play nice at hopes of modeling appropriate behaviors in most instances just doesn't work especially with a bully. Truly to put on a farce of happy harmony, cohesion and bliss while being bullied is shameful and so that ship has sailed, that sun has set, that dog has gone hunting and in the future if presented with that scenario it will be addressed immediately with fair honest boundaries and accountability. If never presented, well that will be a shame.

In retrospect learning these lessons this year has been painful but it is also liberating. It is liberating to stand firm and face one's problems and not move away from them, or isolate them or hide from them, or ignore them, or not address them or not correct them. It is liberating to realize that the problems, issues, hostility, anger and derision are not your making. It is liberating to realize that one was invited in to participate in a discussion and yet when the discussion got too real, too honest and too close for comfort that the relationship was closed down. It is liberating to understand that none of this has anything whatever to do with what I am but simply because I am.

It is also most liberating to formulate a plan for resolution of a problem and then inform all parties clearly what that plan is and then execute said plan. There can be no surprise when that plan; say for procuring documents and paperwork; is put into action. Clearly, I said what I was going to do and I did it; where is the surprise in all of that. I did what I said and said what I did; isn't that honest? I think so, nothing came out of the blue, it was laid out there in black and white ahead of time.

Finally it is liberating to realize that perhaps I'm not crazy or off base, that there are others who have noticed, who have experienced, who have taken note of, who have been uncomfortable with exactly the same issues and behavior that have set me on edge for far too long and for the foreseeable future will be held off at a silent distance. It is liberating to realize that it is none of my business what other's opinions of me are and with that said, bring on 2010, life is great, today is a gift and I'll live each day like its my last but plan like I'll live forever.

A stop in Kinston

2009-12-31T07:34:00.000-08:00

I enjoy my drive up from Otway especially in the colder months. There is little traffic and the ride gives me time to think and ponder. Truthfully, Otway all in all gives me time to ponder. There is no phone in the house, no television; just me, my books, my journal and my cat. The Chairman on this last visit was missing in action most of the time, he found a comfortable shelf in the linen closet to sleep on.

I typically stop in Kinston on my way up to Durham. It is about half way, I'm usually hungry, the car yesterday needed gas and I needed a restroom. On highway 70 at its junction with highway 58 there is a Dixon Foods McDonald's. I stop there because it's on the right; I don't like crossing five lanes of traffic; and I used to work for them and have many happy memories of the experience. I still dream about managing a McDonald's.

I gassed the car next door, visited the restroom and then moved to order a snack and coffee.

"Whatever you neglected to do unto one of these least of these, you neglected to do unto Me!" Matthew 25

The lady working the register was sweet and shy. She didn't make eye contact immediately, so I peppered her with some pleases and thank yous. This caused her to look up and I met her gaze with a smile.

She said, "You are so nice."

This comment came with complete shock and surprise in her voice. Since it was just after ten in the morning and I'm pretty sure the shifts haven't changed in the restaurant too much, this worker most likely started working yesterday at either six or seven am. My point here is for either three or four hours perhaps no one of noticeable nice had presented at this lady's cash register. Of course I'm assuming but maybe not.

What does it cost us to be nice? Where is the expense in it? Truly there is none. We simply step a little aside and let a little of Christ's light shine trough us. It costs us nothing because Jesus already paid the price.

I'm not saying he lied, but I'm not going back

2009-12-15T05:04:00.000-08:00

He is very gifted and talented and has built a huge dynamic church and congregation and I truly do admire him, but I won't be going back. I also won't name him by name here.

To sit in the congregation and listen to one's pastor lash out at "homosexual" relationships when the topic doesn't pertain to nearly one hundred percent of the congregants is unfair and mean spirited. Furthermore, when that pastor doesn't take it all a step further and tell the real Biblical meanings, stories and translations is academically disingenuous and unfair to those assembled who rely on him for enlightenment.

Oh, I am well aware that one of the first places that nearly all who bash with scripture run is the story of Sodom and Gomorrah. This is a story of in hospitality, assault and rape. Heck, Lot even offers his daughters to the crowd to spare the angels. Rarely is this fact discussed in church, most stop at the "know" verse and never wrap it up.

If one carefully examines the rest of the bashing scriptures and translations what we find are lots of references to ritualized temple sex, rape, prostitution, orgies and child abuse. Those who bash rarely get to the meat of scripture and they know that their flocks won't dive in and discover. The words are the words, end of the story.

I am not condoning many of the behaviors that we find in the gay community or even the straight community for that matter. There is a whole lot in the club culture that is dangerous and wrong but in order to reach those participating we must do so with love, care, compassion and an appreciation of what it is like to be young. To slam them with scripture chases them in the wrong direction and paints the larger church as narrow minded haters.

Truly though, I don't desire a place to worship where anything goes and the drum has one constant beat; there is so much more depth to the human spirit than sex and sexual attraction. The pulpit is the perfect place to illustrate the perfect love of God and Christ.

So, my journey continues, I've started attending at another church where the pastor and I are on an honest footing from the beginning. To my discredit, I didn't do this at the last place and should have, perhaps then I would have known before I started investing. At the new church, the pastor says that being what I am is perhaps not the best choice, but it is what it is; I paraphrase of course; with the recognition here that my choice for the time being is one of chastity.

Christmas

2009-12-04T04:53:00.000-08:00

Advent is upon us and it is one of my favorite seasons. In reading some blogs today on the subject; it is clear to me that the subject can be a bit touchy. Why would any follower of Christ get twisted over decorations on the town square, in stores or anywhere else in the world during this season? Why would they get twisted over the term "holiday tree" as opposed to Christmas Tree?

You see, here's where I go to the authority on the matter. The Bible and in it there is no Nativity scene as we know it from our modern displays. Human kind has made that up. There certainly is no decorated pine tree with glittering lights and sparkling bulbs, we made that up too as a symbol of the holiday. Truly I am at a loss to find inflatable Santas or Santas in any fashion and the Grinch is missing in action too; just not found in the Bible.

Don't get me wrong, there is nothing, absolutely nothing wrong with any or all of those display items, the trees, the Santas, the Grinches, the Nativity scenes, I love them all. My point is there is no Biblical basis and since that is lacking then this really isn't an attack on Christian thought when some object to the displays.

As a matter of fact and a matter of good taste, it might not be too much of a stretch if Christians opposed the all out, put up as much as you can for as long as you can, tacky consumerism that the Christmas holiday season has become. All too often I think that we followers forget that this season is about God's gift to all of humanity sent for rebirth, redemption and salvation.

On the road, in Lynchburg, birthday time and wondering

2009-11-24T17:03:00.001-08:00

Philippians 4:6-7
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. (NIV)

After a long work week, yes only two "days" I zipped out of Durham at four thirty this afternoon, the day before my birthday, two days before Thanksgiving and headed northwest to Lynchburg, VA. Lynchburg is where my brother lives. Sadly, right now I am in Lynchburg, in a Hilton Hotel, in a lovely room, but again I say sadly, I won't see my brother.

Dan and his family have moved. All contact between the children and me and my folks severed. They haven't told us where they've gone, truthfully, when I contacted my brother and told him that I'd be here, I didn't ask where he was going, where he was moving. I felt if he wanted me to know, that he'd tell me. I came to town a few weeks ago to see Julian, my nephew, and I saw a for rent sign in my brother's yard. That day I did see Dan too, I waived at him, smiled big, and got nothing. No acknowledgement, no nod, no smile not a thing. This after several emails and letters asking for conversation and healing. He's mad, they moved and clearly after months of deafening silence and no direct conversation it is pretty clear that we are divorced. Who knows if and when the rift will mend?

There have been attempts in the last several months at round about communication; maybe that's what it was. My brother's wife's best friend wrote me a long missive extolling my brother's wife's virtues. She has many virtues and I certainly didn't need some stranger telling me what I should percieve as stong points or character traits. I do have two eyes, two ears and a mind that functions fairly well. Well no matter, I guess everyone needs an advocate if they feel that they don't have a voice or the courage to use it. The advocacy didn't work too well primarily because my wish is for all of us; my brother, his wife, my parents and me; to sit down together and have logical, tempered, reasoned conversation. That apparently isn't going to happen anytime soon.

So, to Dan, my brother, know this; we pray for you and your family by name every day. We find comfort throughout the Bible and when you find a place in your heart to seek to forgive and accept forgiveness, you will be welcomed with Thanksgiving.

Islamism

2009-11-08T05:34:00.000-08:00

I have been struggling with how to reconcile my feelings on Islam and Islamism. This week it finally clicked when I read a very enlightened article describing the difference. Islam is a religion and radical Islamism is a geo-political movement with radical, dangerous and irreconcilable differences with western belief and philosophy. Radical Islamism calls for the destruction of western thought, culture and belief.

Whew, now I can find some solid ground to stand on. I can pray for my Muslim friends, their well being, salvation, health and so on. I cannot however pray for a political system of beliefs which at its heart I believe is evil, violent and dangerous. One can even point to quantifiable empirical data and events that point to such beliefs and actions.

I can now breath a bit easier knowing that I am hopefully not crucifying people for their religious beliefs but rather holding certain people accountable for their political beliefs. Those being the destruction of western civilization, Israel and a pan Islamic state that stretches from China to Rome. This is also a fundamental movement that moves far afield from the tenants of the Muslim faith ergo a huge difference.

Selfishness

2009-10-25T10:08:00.000-07:00

Even as I please all men in all things, not seeking mine own profit, but the profit of many, that they may be saved. 1 Cor 10:33.

Today as I digested a "bash," that being in a homosexual relationship, is a sin, even if, I imagine, that relationship is committed, loving, nurturing and caring; I started to ponder on all of the ways people can be selfish. Selfish, loving of one self, selfish serving one's own ends, selfish acting without contemplation of others. Please don't misunderstand, there is a lot in the "gay" lifestyle that I find objectionable but those characteristics can be found somewhat corporately in all human conditions. There is a difference between being gay and being homosexual.

I have been guilty of selfishly pursuing hedonistic pleasures. I have been guilty of pursuing drunkenness, drug induced intoxication and over riding self gratification. Thankfully I've left all of that behind. Those behaviors are sinful and selfish. I have also loved a man, deeply, compassionately and selflessly. I held him in my arms as he died, and that was not a sin. As he died I tended to his every physical need down to the most base; because he could not; that was not sin and that was not selfish; I promised him that I would do those things and I kept my word. If the shoe had been on the other foot, he would have done the same thing for me, because we made that selfless promise to one another. I did not fore sake my partner and in that there is no sin.

There is no sin in thought, there is sin in acting on a thought. There is no sin in simply being, being male, being female, being heterosexual or being homosexual. There is however sin in action, the action of being adulterous, the action of being drunk, the action of being dishonest, the action of forsaking another.

Eno Quarry

2009-10-22T05:55:00.000-07:00

The time on the path, in fall sunshine, in shirt sleeves with my gnarled stick was refreshing and inspiring. I was alone with God, which gave me time to talk to God in an out loud voice. That too is refreshing and empowering.

The time on the path, with falling leaves, with falling acorns, with scampering squirrels gave me time to revisit and listen to God's whispers. If you can stop and step away from all of the noise and ground clutter God is there patiently waiting.

I can now face the rest of the week, the rest of the month, the rest of the year, but I know that I will have to revisit the path and God waiting there.

Matthew 25:46

2009-09-30T13:10:00.000-07:00

Matthew 25:46 NIV

45"He will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.'

I’ve been praying on silence, I’ve been praying on shunning, I’ve been reading a lot about both. There is Biblical basis for shunning, but the Bible provides for restoration. Of course, in the body of Christ, the practice of shunning requires belief in being 100% correct, otherwise when facing judgment the person practicing a shun will have to face Jesus and explain why they shunned him. The scripture says, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.

Truly if one shuns, they do not speak to or acknowledge Jesus and they do not attempt to reconcile to Jesus and his father? Communion with the body and the spirit are broken, torn, damaged and left to wither. Interestingly today as I drove back into town from Northern Durham and the Rougemont area, there was a sign in front of Northside Church of God which said, “Forgiveness leads to healing an angry heart.”

How apropos to what I’ve been chewing over in my mind. How free I feel when being able to forgive; it isn’t even the act of saying, “I forgive you.”

It is the mental comment that is the liberation. It is the ability to wake up in the middle of the night and say, “I forgive X for that, perhaps his decision or actions really had nothing to do with me.”

Once done, I feel restored to the body and spirit of Christ the Messiah.

A visit from an ex

2009-09-25T06:30:00.000-07:00

Philippians 2:2-4 ©
Be united in your convictions and united in your love, with a common purpose and a common mind. There must be no competition among you, no conceit; but everybody is to be self-effacing. Always consider the other person to be better than yourself, so that nobody thinks of his own interests first but everybody thinks of other people’s interests instead.

About a month ago and out of the blue my "ex" dropped by very unexpectedly. We were a couple for about three years or so and when we split, when he moved out, the ties were really kind of severed. He didn't look back and I climbed into a bottle for a bit and pickled myself. The drinking was not his doing, don't get me wrong it was all mine, I did it, it was my problem and will hopefully stay "was." I work on that one each day. Some days are much harder than others.

Anyway, he dropped by out of the blue which is very uncharacteristic of him. He came in and talked. I did a lot of listening and I thought hearing. The stories, the tales, the happenings all about the same as four years ago when we ended. He seemed stuck. Then he just kind of dropped, hinted, that he was thinking about moving. We didn't spend any amount of time on it, like a breeze it passed faintly.

That was until three weeks later when I saw his address on our goal board at work. He had listed his home for sale with another agent in my office. I have no problem with that. I do have a problem with the visit and the whisper that he might move, the vague mention of an action. This is one of the reasons why we didn't work and what upsets me is that even after all of this time, in knowing this fellow, I still don't really hear him when he talks. I know that expecting him to just come out and say what he is going to do is a pipe dream, but frankly it would have been easier and far less anxiety causing for me had he not stopped by and just put his home up for sale.

Truthfully, I don't want his business, this isn't out of a dislike for him; but more for a like of myself and a wanting what's best for him. It is also out of a wanting what's best for my mental state and his. We didn't work as a couple, nearly from the beginning, I still really don't know how to "hear" exactly what it is he's saying and at this point in time I really don't think or expect that he will change how he says what needs to be said. This boils down to a relationship that really isn't one because the basic communication elements are missing.

to dan

2009-09-23T18:40:00.000-07:00

Dear Dan,
You might read this, you might not. I don’t know; of course the choice is entirely yours.

I’ve gone back and reread everything that I’ve written in my emails, journals and blog and none of it is untrue, none of it is unduly biased and none of it said to deliberately inflict hurt or injury on you. Especially after you said an open and honest relationship was what you wanted.

I’ve gone back and through prayer and contemplation examined my actions; none of them dishonorable, none of them hateful, none of them dishonest and none of them done to inflict hurt or injury on you and if you look deep and really think about it you know this is true.

I ask you now, examine your heart, ask yourself; why am I so angry and silent, ask yourself what has my anger and silence accomplished?

You are my brother and I love you. I am hopeful that you might find it prudent, useful and helpful to mend fences; you might find it wise to examine the shards of relationships strewn around you and start attempting to reach out and reconcile those relationships. It can be done, easily and without much effort. Pick up the phone; write a note, the signs have been given to you that it is ok to do so. If you haven’t picked up on those signs then I am telling you that it is ok to reach out too.

I cannot believe in my heart of hearts that you find it acceptable to be so estranged and so removed from your blood family. I cannot believe in my heart of hearts that you find it acceptable to believe that those who were with you from the beginning would act in ways to forsake you or intentionally damage you. I cannot believe in my heart of hearts that you are so angry and so hurt that you can’t write a simple note or make a simple telephone call to begin to work some of this out. I spent years looking out for you as my younger brother, making sure you caught the school bus, ran down the hill with you, drove you to school, encouraged you to come to ACC, hoped you’d come to ACC, was your roommate; all of this with your best interests at heart.

I beg you, please step back from your anger, silence and hurt and look deeply into all of this on your own, pray on it, roll it over, talk it over with a professional, unburden yourself of all of it and take the overtures that have been made and take the next step. This situation between “us” has been unraveling now for nearly a year but honestly do you think that this hasn’t weighed heavily on our minds for a long, long time. When impetuous decision have been made, and there have been plenty we have indeed rolled it around, batted it around, chewed on it, worried on it and prayed on it. We have always been hopeful that your best intentions and wishes would be served.

So there it is, the ball’s in your court, the ball is still in your court and some ten months later, some ten years later, I am still hoping for some answers, some discussion, some indication that you are willing to put aside what was and look ahead to what might be.

Love,
Michael

Shedding anger's cloak and finding communion

2009-09-22T13:13:00.000-07:00

Stop being mean, bad-tempered, and angry. Quarreling, harsh words, and dislike of others should have no place in your lives. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving you because you belong to Christ.
Ephesians 4: 31-32 TLB

In rolling anger and angry feeling over and over in my mind and the motivations for those feelings; I have come to the conclusion that it is easy to stay in an angry place for a lot of people. It is very easy to let the happenings of day in and day out life to sour us; isn’t the saying, “People can be like wine, with age they either grow better or bitter.”

Truly if one is more than just a fan of Christ, but a follower of Christ then each and every day their life should grow sweeter and more forgiving and not bitter and any church, congregation, pastor or the like that teaches otherwise is fostering a disconnect from God and his saints. Our God isn't an angry God but a God of love and foregiveness.

In real estate I find this especially true, some of my clients for one reason or another leave me, hire another agent; and I could find it very easy to become angry with those clients or hateful to the “offending” agent but I try each day not to let that happen. I’m not perfect, I often feel as if I have to pray myself away from angry behavior. I’ll admit that sometimes I’m successful and other times not so much; it often depends on how much is piling up. I imagine that if I had to deal with work stresses and then go home and have a whole bunch of home stress or home drama or kid drama or shenanigans dumped on me; it wouldn’t be so easy to stay on the straight and narrow God path. I guess it would depend on how much help and support I was getting.

With respect to my family and what’s occurred over the past years. I could have let the words spoken to me, or often not; or the ignoring of my condition or situation; or the words spoken to my parents build up anger, hurt or rage in me. Truly I haven’t, I’ve said what I felt needed saying, I’ve acted in ways that according to my principals, morals and teachings that I deem appropriate; of course diligent prayer was also involved, and I acted in what I believed was the best interest of all parties. Now if that raised anger or feelings of condemnation or feelings of defensiveness and a belief that one had to rise to the challenge of defending some participant in all of this mess, well that’s ok too. If my actions mean that members of my family feel the need to cloister themselves away until they can come to terms with their feelings, well that’s all right too. Truly I have a keen understanding that there may never be a coming to terms; but that is beyond my control.

As in Ephesians, those feelings of anger, bad temper and dislike will take time to work out, or not. I will say this, it is very liberating to shed the cloak of anger and bad temper and forgive, but I do understand that feeling angry can feel as if it is comfortable, truly; that’s the Devil, a deception and a trick. God doesn’t want his children, his beloved angry; God knows that if they are foul then they are out of communion with him and all of his saints. God does equip us for dealing with this; he gives us patience, prayer and he gave us Christ on the cross, Christ who was tortured, dehumanized and killed yet he never became angry, he said, “Forgive them, they know not what they do.” What a fantastic model.

Looking for one's own advantage

2009-09-16T04:23:00.000-07:00

1 Corinthians 10:24,31
Nobody should be looking for his own advantage, but everybody for the other man’s. Whatever you eat, whatever you drink, whatever you do at all, do it for the glory of God.

Today as I wander through my day I'll try to keep these verses in the front of my mind. I do find especially when working that I allow God to move out of my mind. I'll freely admit that for me God is easier to keep in focus when I'm quiet and not moving about. The reality is that God should be front and center especially when I'm not quiet.

I adore verse 24. These words ring so true in real estate. Clients and customers immediately clue in if one is not looking out for their best interests and will quickly shy away.

Neat way to live life I think.

Proverbs 17:22

2009-09-03T15:56:00.000-07:00

Proverbs 17:22

A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a downcast spirit dries up the bones.

So I’ve been thinking about the phrase, “stabbed in the back.” It seems to me that stabbed in the back would apply to deliberately setting out to hurt, harm or malign someone in. It would seem to me that “stabbed in the back” would apply to acting without foreknowledge, being sneaky, being maniacal; being less than truthful with respect to intentions. “Stabbing in the back” is not, acting with permission or invitation; that is simply acting.

Extrapolating “stabbed in the back” more; it is not lending aid and comfort to a person in need, even if that person is perceived as being defiant or having strayed from the fold. Our higher calling is to love and care for those in need. To react in anger in this situation is similar to how a child would behave. I’m fighting with Sally, I don’t care for Sally right now and if you were my friend, you wouldn’t be friends with Sally either. Here the actions of the child fighting with Sally are controlling and manipulative, we will exclude Sally because I’m angry at Sally at the moment and I will control you too by insisting that you not be friends with Sally. Together we will draw a circle and draw Sally out. Here is an interesting sidelight to that behavior, take note, you could just as easily find yourself in Sally’s shoes and be outcast if you don’t do as I say or wish. It is unacceptable above all else for you to “stab me in the back.”

Stabbing in the back is also hanging someone out to dry. I’ll behave poorly, boorishly and spew awful things but when called into account for my words and actions; well I’ll have to lay those words, actions and behaviors at the feet of someone else. I won’t take responsibility for my actions or words. Stabbing in the back is also whipping a situation into frenzy with whispers, stories and colorful tales and then sitting back and delighting in the outcome as others slug it out and take on the role of the bad guy, heavy or disciplinarian.

“Stabbed in the back” is not, telling the truth and offering sound advice. “Stabbed in the back” is not, asking permission and then acting accordingly. Similarly “stabbed in the back” is not, offering a potential solution to a problem. “Stabbed in the back” is not, asking how are you; this done so with concern and care. “Stabbed in the back” is not; praying for those is crisis and turmoil; that is love, care and compassion. “Stabbed in the back” is not; letting a loved one scream and yet not reacting with equal accord. “Stabbed in the back” is not; being friends with those on a “blacklist.” Finally to stand silently and listen to verve is compassion, concern and love; is not “stabbed in the back.

Splendor in solitude

2009-09-02T13:18:00.000-07:00

It is September and the light is changing
I was able to spend most of my day on my own today. Building steps down the sea wall to the water this morning there was a grayness to the world. As I hammered the treads into the steps, Shrimp jumped and as I moved away from my project to get this or that from the barn, a Sea Gull would perch on the post for the stairs only to flutter away when I returned. This morning as I worked there was no one on the bay and there was no human sound except for me.

As I finished my work the sky cleared and the wind picked up, first from the west and then the north east. Once finished I sat on my steps listening to the bay lap against the bottom step and the sea wall. A pair of Osprey fished although I didn’t actually see them catch any fish, but their tell tale call alerted me to their presence. I must have sat on my steps for close to an hour studying the distant point in the bay, watching the birds and watching the fish and shrimp jump. It was only after this time that I realized that I wasn’t alone and that the world wasn’t quiet. There was a whole lot going on, it just so happened the activity wasn’t human.

After sitting in the sun for awhile I became hot and so I moved to the deck and sat covered by a pergola. The perspective sitting near the house, as opposed to directly on the bay was an interesting contrast and juxtaposition. The house in spite of no one being inside seemed to have a life and sounds of its own. The automatic systems kicking on and off much more abrupt than the wind or the sun moving from behind clouds. Nature is much more subtle. The pergola and mom’s flowers did give me pause to watch two yellow butterflies dance between potted flowers.

The morning was simple and quiet but truly filled with splendor. I’m glad that I sat and quietly listened to the bay, the birds and jumping fish. I’m glad that I felt the wind on my face. I’m happy that I retreated to the deck to really see the butterflies and I’m delighted that I let the lines of the distant point are now etched into my memory. Noticeably the light has changed, like summer fading, the sun’s rays today are on a less dramatic angle than a month ago. Summer is ebbing into fall and soon it will be too cool to sit on my steps at the water’s edge. The air and atmosphere seem to have an Orange glow to them. Sometimes I wish that I could have a million Carolina summers here on the coast. Saying this I realize on a very deep, primal level that a million summers here, nestled into a quiet corner of Carteret County wouldn’t nearly be enough time and no matter how much time I’d be given I truly believe that it would never be enough. I’ll close with this; I am grateful and thankful for the time that I’ve been blessed with. It is magn

Seeing God on a bay, in the sand and in waves

2009-08-31T14:37:00.000-07:00

Seeing God on a bay

Yesterday after church I took the boat and I headed out onto Core Sound on my own. The light on the bay was brilliant in spite of high, humidity laden clouds. By the time I got to Davis Island the wind was up out of the southwest and low swells were breaking on the white sandy beach. A flock of Pelicans, Sea Gulls and other bay birds were the only other visible life on the point.

I wandered from the bite where I anchored the boat out of the chop and wind, up the island. Thankfully the strong wind kept the biting flies away from me. As I walked shirtless I let the loneliness of the spot wash over me. I didn’t feel lonely, I felt peace. Here I would walk and really see the wind bent Live Oaks, the salt and sun faded driftwood and root systems at water’s edge and endless layers of washed in shells. Several storms have moved all sorts of treasures out of the depths and onto the shore. My wandering at Davis Island lasted perhaps a little more than an hour, I’m not sure of the exact amount of time, I went without a watch. Walking back toward the boat I felt decompressed and at ease.

My next destination, the banks across from Davis Island where there is a well marked channel in. From the water I could see what appeared to be many campers and trucks but as I drew nearer to the ferry dock it was clear that the banks were nearly human less at the moment. The water was glass like as I put in to the dock, there is just enough of a cut to block the wind, by this point the wind was at my back. Immediately after anchoring the flies attacked and I could hear the surf pounding on the beach. With towel in hand acting as a swatting tail, I headed through the dunes to the beach. As the wind gusted the flies disappeared only to reappear with calm air. The beach was desolate except for one truck and two people fishing.

Thankfully they were three quarters of a mile east, so I walked west.
The surf was cold, well cold in comparison to the bay, the bay eighty five degrees, the surf maybe seventy five, so not really cold. I walked west on the beach, away from the people fishing at the truck and the beach was filled with shells; all washed in from storms. There were hundreds of sand dollars, unfortunately most broken and I only found two whole ones. As I wandered time escaped me and so did more stress. The sun started sliding toward the horizon and as it grew dusky the flies grew more ravenous. It didn’t matter, the peace and the beauty of the place revealed God’s splendor, the crashing waves a reminder of how timeless all of creation is. Truly I found God among the birds, waves and the beach. Heading home more magnificence as I found myself in a pod of twelve or so Porpoise; I idled the boat among them as they fed and it was remarkable, I feel lucky to have witnessed them. In the stronger wind I also enjoyed the chop and really didn’t feel fearful at all.

Where do we go now? We're just spinning our wheels

2009-08-29T18:59:00.000-07:00

I wonder who’s laughing and I wonder who’s delighted? I'm not laughing I'm too sad, neither is mom or dad. I doubt my brother is. Us, the four of us, always unified, always generous with one another, now terribly not, now broken and at least one of us livid beyond belief. It seems that for now Julian has been rescued from the criminal justice system, this is a thankful event. He is also living in a good and decent place, well at least for him; thank goodness for the kindness of others, it was after all his decision as an eighteen year old adult to move on. It was his “parents” decision to state that they would offer no support or assistance to this young man. That statement was verbally made and made in writing. So what is one to do when one is fond of someone being cast off for not toeing the line? Thank goodness to the unrelated folks paid for Julian's lawyer, so generous and giving.

I pray for Julian, he’s going to have a tough row to hoe and he’s going to have some difficult life decisions to make and right now he needs help in getting there. He needs educational help, psychological help and emotional help. With care and coaching, prayer and diligence and a watchful eye, perhaps he’ll be ok. I think that I can speak for my parents when I say, all three of us are grateful that Julian, Annie and Harriet asked for our help. Julian’s attorney handled the document request after his court hearing on Thursday, but much to the detriment of our family relationships. The perception has been that my folks orchestrated the whole event with the attorney from three hundred miles away. This is an attorney that they’d never spoken to or interacted with until this past Thursday. Oh well not much can be said to allay that misconception. When one is being broad stroked with the wrong brush, nothing can be done. Funny thing is mom and dad asked my brother and his wife if they could attend the court hearing; mom and dad even asked if there would be a problem and were told no, no problem; but of course this was all stated during a very strange and hostile visit, so maybe memories are clouded.

I on the other hand am a different story. Julian asked for my help.
I will freely admit that I attempted to broker the “easy” solution to the question of Julian’s documents weeks ago, by appealing directly to my brother and his ability to reason; but to no avail. When individuals are so convinced that at all costs that they are right and that there is only one solution, then brokerage is impossible. Brokerage is also quit impossible when the one offering a possible solution is considered a pariah or an interfering, hateful rebel who himself won’t acquiesce. But you see none of this could be further from the truth and is quite illogical. I truly don’t have the time to waste interfering; if a problem needs solving, in my work and in my life, I just do it. I weigh the costs and benefits and act appropriately.

Of course it is easy to fail when others are intent on manipulation and perhaps outright destruction of a young man’s spirit. Over and over in my mind, I keep wondering, what could be the goal of bringing Julian to heel. Why was it so important to destroy his chance at redemption and keeping him out of jail, first by offering no assistance, then perhaps by stonewalling the process and finally by holding his rightful documents and possessions hostage? What could the hoped for end result be? Could it be that Julian is the handiest tool at hand to drive the final wedge between me, my brother and my folks? I don’t know, I can only guess based on very limited communication and examination of recent events and actions. Another question; why would any rational, caring, compassionate follower of Christ the Messiah refuse to give a young man papers,documents and opportunity that he requires to get into a decent and competent school? Why would this young man be stonewalled? It is illogical and irrational at best.

Here is a reality to the entire situation, like it or not. Julian asked for my assistance with respect to his recent brush with the law. According to my mom and dad Julian asked for their help too. So with that said, we didn’t interfere, we were invited to participate in Julian’s life and problems. With respect to Julian’s documents, we did not interfere, we were invited by Julian to participate, he asked for our assistance and we agreed. This horrible, heart breaking and disturbing family episode had nothing whatever to do with “us,” but did and does have a whole lot to do with preventing a young man of color from being gobbled up and destroyed by the US criminal justice system. This entire situation is about Julian, not the adults. Here is another reality to this situation, Julian is where he is now and we have to make the best of it. Gnashing our teeth an whining that we've been "stabbed" in the back is silly and offers no solution to the situation at hand, it simply puts the focus where it doesn't need to be. Vilifying others for helping does the same, it clouds the issues at hand and unfocuses the work to be done. In my observations though, this is typical behavior, throw up enough chaff and everyone becomes distracted.

Similarly all involved should remember when dealing with the human dynamic and family, that we don’t always get our own way and we don’t always get what we want and no amount of screaming and anger and shrieking and verve will accomplish our desires. We should also remember from whence we came and that painting us as lying manipulators is fallacy, there simply is no record of such behavior in our long history together. How does one even begin to make that leap? I’m at a loss. I also think that quiet contemplative time needs to be spent in reflection asking; why was I the only person screaming and who was delighted by this outcome and perhaps who has been manipulating this situation into the mess that it is?

Anger

2009-08-27T10:03:00.000-07:00

James 1:20
For the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.

If one is angry at others including loved ones and family on an on-going basis and one feels as if everyone is against them; perhaps a long and judicious examination of life should be taken. This especially true if punitive action is being directed at loved ones and family who are perceived to be defiant or interfering.

When truth is spoken with love and fair and honest intention then perhaps anger should be suppressed and thoughtful time spent in prayer asking God for guidance. This is especially true when authorities are pointing out an error or fallacy in belief. For example if one is attempting to coerce another by holding belongings hostage and an attorney points out that these articles belong to an adult who is entitled to them, then perhaps a discerning adult should step back and ask themselves; why is holding this stuff so important to me. What do my actions represent?

Finally, when we’re angry we have a barrier between us and God’s grace. Our anger removes communion with God, Jesus, the Saints and the church as a whole because we are not at peace or harmony. In a sense when we’re angry we have reconciled ourselves to a bit of living hell and God doesn’t want that for us, it breaks the heart of our father.

1 Corinthians 10:24,31

2009-08-19T05:30:00.000-07:00

Nobody should be looking for his own advantage, but everybody for the other man’s. Whatever you eat, whatever you drink, whatever you do at all, do it for the glory of God.

I'll try to remember this as I face the day. Yesterday was a bit of a test but in the end nothing at all. I retreated home for quiet time with God and it worked. I suppose the best that I can pray for is that others will remember this verse when dealing with me. I know that the world always won't but perhaps if I let this light shine through me someone might catch a glimmer.

In the end yesterday and after prayer and reflection and blessing counting it just the test just didn't seem all that important. Interestingly enough, I found myself much more tested by the fact that I've been a little writer's blocked. I find myself very frustrated if I can't get the thoughts, anxieties and joys down on paper. Today, seems a bit better.

So today I am off to face the world for the glory of God.

Honor and Respect

2009-08-16T09:36:00.001-07:00

Exodus 20:12 Honor your father and mother

Romans 13:7 Respect who respect is due, honor to whom honor is due

Blood is thicker than water and that being said I am very protective when it comes to my dad and mom. My parents were always there for us as we were growing up and there also well into adulthood. I’ve always know that if I needed advice or a helping hand that I could count on both of them. They have patiently listened, guided and comforted me. When John died and even before when he was so sick; they listened as I worried and wept. They must have felt helpless watching me in my despair.

My folks have also been there for joyous times; time spent out at a Place at the Beach as a collective and extended family. Time spent on their boat with day trips to Cape Lookout and Shackleford Banks, always paying for the boat and the fuel. There were countless holidays in their first Beaufort home, with so many at the table that we had to add on and on. There were multiple July vacations with my nieces and nephews splashing in the bay at Smyrna and huge holiday picnics were even if one wasn’t invited a spot was made for them.

Mom and Dad also gave selflessly; helping us move countless times, in and out of dorms, apartments, carriage houses, more apartments, new cities, more apartments, our first homes and on and on. When vehicles failed or ignored student loans came due the check book was opened and they came to the rescue. When graduation parties needed planning they stepped in. When derelict properties were in need of rehabilitation they dropped everything including vacation plans, fixing their own home, visiting their aged parents or just sitting down and jumped in and generously did what needed doing and even bank rolled the effort.

My parents partnered with us in business too; often shouldering more than half the work but never more than half the profit. Countless times they treated to meals out when the assumption was that they would do so. If their generosity unacknowledged or some sort of other boorish behavior exhibited by others; those actions simply ignored. At holidays and birthdays a veritable bounty was provided for the kids and adults, sometimes not even with a nod of thanks and yet other times quite the contrary. Truly, they never looked for kudos, they just did it.

They aren’t perfect; they have their failings as we all do. I don’t always like what they say but I respect what they say and their right to say it, with age does come some privilege. In looking back I reckon that they are responsible for where I am now and who I am becoming. It is kind of strange being past middle age yet still being someone’s child. It is a true blessing having them so much a part of my life. I relish my odd weeks off down on the coast where we can boat, drink coffee on the deck or go their church together. Beyond all of that I enjoy the open, honest, respectful, honorable and true relationship that we share. It isn’t always easy but all three of us work at it. Finally, I truly believe that if relationships are ignored or unacknowledged like a plant that isn't watered, they whither and no amount of finger shaking or rebuke can alter that fact or undo the whilted leaves.

Proverbs 29:19

2009-08-14T15:24:00.000-07:00

Proverbs 29:19

A servant cannot be corrected by mere words; though he understands, he will not respond.

Is it then that a servant or a person is corrected by actions too? I think that might be true. One can talk and talk, blather and eventually the blather falls on deaf ears. We understand the words but their meaning and relevance is retarded.

I’d say the same could be true if we turned it all around. Words can be spoken and even though all present hear the words and know the meaning of the words on an individual basis, the meaning of the words when linked together will mean many different things to all parties present. This of course assumes that all parties can actually listen.

An individual could bark or belch out that they don’t ever care if they see another person again for as long as they live. Now the receiver of that message might hear; I don’t care for you, respect you, like you or trust you, therefore I don’t ever want to see you again. The intention of the speaker might be to inflict hurt. Well, with that hurt inflicted those words are almost impossible to pull back. Like the eyes are windows to the soul so are words, true intentions and feeling often fall from the lips and they often fall unknowingly.

Similarly, one might hear one party state, that they are moving on from an argument or disagreement; that they no longer choose to participate. A clear, logical and prudent decision especially if dialogue is leading to nothing. Yet the receiver might hear, I’m moving on, I want to be friends again and I have forgiven all of the tension, half truths and feelings of ill will. Here we find one simple statement and two very different and even alien interpretations to a simple clear sentence. To me moving on clearly means that, the discussion is over and for right now I'm leaving things as they are; I'm also not sure that there is anything further to fix or discuss.

Finally one must consider the cumulative effect of words and actions and put them in context of the situation. It isn’t nearly enough sometimes after words are spoken in haste, emotion, anger to offer a contemptible apology. For an apology to take hold and meaning some time must pass, some thought must be given and some true soul searching invested in. To vomit out hateful words in anger one minute and then apologize moments later and ask for forgiveness is simply a toneless, meaningless and hollow gesture; the servant might hear the words but will not understand them or be interested in them.

Healthcare wackiness

2009-08-14T10:49:00.000-07:00

Wow the healthcare debate has set this country on fire and the fuel, lies, just plain lies.

Lie number one, President Obama is going to euthanize your grandmother. First off take a look at the bare bones truth. This man, President Obama wants to better people’s life by opening insurance coverage and health care to all Americans, therefore it is illogical, silly, stupid and just plain mean to charge that this man wants to kill people. This is smoke and mirrors at its best. Detract from this issue to get folks off base and off target.

Lie number two; the Democrats are going to outlaw private insurance companies. Um, if this is true why hasn’t there been an outcry from private insurance companies…after all if they are being driven from business wouldn’t they be screaming the loudest, rather the wacko far right?

Lie number three; President Obama wants to implement Soviet style medical rationing. Truth be known, that’s what we have right now. If you’re poor, under employed, unemployed, old, disabled well your rationed. If you’re employed and insured, you’re rationed. Light bulb folks, you are ALWAYS, ALWAYS going to be rationed on some level. Face it though, the current system is broken and needs fixing. So let’s get with it and try something NEW.

Luke 6:31 (Today's New International Version)
31 Do to others as you would have them do to you.

So I’ll go to the good book and Luke. If you have insurance and are well covered, try turning this whole thing around and pretend just for a minute that you’re aren’t covered, you can’t pay for medicine and perhaps you’ve put yourself at the mercy of participating in a clinical drug trial to keep yourself alive. How would you feel if you saw your fellow citizens reacting the way that they are over reforming a very broken and unfair system? Stand where I’ve been for a few minutes, uncovered and flying without a net. I didn’t do this because I wanted to, I could not get insurance. I took a well calculated risk that I wouldn’t be in an accident, or hurt or come down with a dread disease. In fact even though I am “covered” today I am still in a risky situation. If I am diagnosed with something dread, the twenty percent that I will have to pay out of pocket will leave me penniless. I’ve already decided on some level that depending on prognosis I won’t fight the unknown what ifs. This is partially my decision and partially a systemic decision.

So folks, let’s get real. Step back from the rhetoric and divisive lies, turn off the talking heads, turn it over and look at it realistically. Then once you’ve done that then we can have an honest LOGICAL debate.

James 1:20

2009-08-10T13:14:00.000-07:00

James 1:20 NIV
for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.

Having been an angry person for a long time, I thought perhaps that I’d meditate on anger and how destructive it can be from a personal perspective of course. I think that my anger started out as being head strong and stubborn, a need to excel, a need to be right a desire to be perfect and never in error. I certainly also could never to admit error, oh Heavens no. Truly each one of these traits literally made me crazy and those around me crazy too, I imagine.

Eventually, I lost those near and dear, John died, friends moved on, a relationship failed as I’d passed into late middle age and all that I was left with was me and my anger. For a couple of years I numbed my anger with booze, cigarettes and pills. I took anything that I could get my hands on to deaden the fact that what I was angry with was myself. Thankfully, I got saved, stopped drinking and stopped smoking and stopped taking drugs. Those struggles made me realize that I had some deeper soul searching to do.

The first thing that I realized was that I was not perfect, couldn’t be perfect and would never be perfect. I had to tear apart the facade that the world saw and start being true to myself and them. I also had to stop being afraid. To get there, though, I had to acknowledge a higher power, God and Jesus Christ. In the past when I’d overcome the demon rum, God had been missing in the equation. Therefore I easily slipped back into my old ways; I expected perfection of myself and when it didn’t happen I started drinking. When I drank I’d become angry with myself and my weakness which would lead to more abuse and so on; the proverbial snake eating its tail.

So four years ago I surrendered it all. I admitted that I am powerless; I admitted that I am broken and I asked for my life back. Just like the snap of a finger I had my life back. The anger, agitation, abuse, drunkenness and self loathing slowly shed. I started to realize also albeit painfully that I couldn’t be and shouldn’t be the center of attention all of the time. My church was actually so beneficial in helping me learn that and to those at St. John’s MCC I am eternally grateful. They helped me realize that anger stands between us and our God and has no place in our relationship with Him.

There is so much I learned that I simply can’t go into all of it here, but I also learned that when one is angry and focuses on ones anger; then it is very easy to stay angry. The anger, rage, fury is what you focus on and it becomes all consuming to the point where one cannot ask, “Why am I so angry?” One simply is angry all of the time and always at our own making.

Like so many others I was so focused in on the feeling and even to a degree relishing the feeling that I couldn’t draw away from it. I was comfortable with my rage and anger, it was my friend, and as my closest friend I could hold it accountable but never myself. When God re-entered my life and I took my focus away from here and to God, then it was easy not to focus on my anger. It was easy to focus on the joy that is Jesus and the hope that springs eternal from belief in a savior and one who’d sacrifice all for me. It was easy to focus on the One who really is perfect.

"The words of a man's mouth are deep waters; the fountain of wisdom is a bubbling brook."

2009-08-05T09:56:00.000-07:00

"The words of a man's mouth are deep waters; the fountain of wisdom is a bubbling brook."
Proverbs 18:4

Floating in deep waters can be very uncomfortable. We often cannot see what is beneath us, what might be lurking near us or what might be circling; hence uneasiness and discomfort. The same can be said of words and how words are used and unused. Standing and speaking in truth is also like floating in deep waters. Say nothing and one might get splashed by the bubbling brook on occasion, speak and viola, you’re in over your head.

Of course one must measure the intention and how the words are spoken. If party A initiates conversation and party B responds with advice and opinion then party A can hardly be angry or torque out when they don’t like what they hear. However if party B simply offers advice willie nillie without an ask, then they truly do deserve resistance or anger; in this situation party B is in deep water with ankle weights on.

Similarly if someone holds his tongue in order to maintain a peace or an even keel it is hardly lying, one might call this judicious thought, prudence or common sense. However if after much deliberation and counsel should someone decide to speak up after a conversational door is opened, well that is simply the price paid for opening that door and thoughtful adults should well consider this position especially when words are offered as thoughtful and sound advice.

Truly though we never know how our words will be received or if they are received at all; the best that we can hope for is; that in time, there is a revelation or a thaw and that perhaps a light bulb flashes and then awareness comes. Certainly too, sometimes one must remove oneself from becoming the target of behavioral projections; when one projects his or her words or behaviors onto all of those around. In those situations it is best to cut off the words and remove from cross hairs acknowledging that peace, conversation and reconciliation might never come. However, should a thaw come then the expectation should be open, honest and thoughtful conversation, no more and no less.

My family, trouble and torment

2009-07-26T10:37:00.000-07:00

I wrote my brother Dan an email last week in an attempt to get my nephew Julian’s documentation from my brother and his wife to my nephew. My brother and his wife have disowned my nephew. This is a sad, sordid situation to be sure but not an unusual one, it seems my brother and his wife disowned me a long time ago and now that truth has been confirmed.

My brother’s response was quick, angry and hostile. I was told to keep out of the situation between him and his son. Furthermore my brother wouldn’t discuss the situation with me stating that Julian knew what he had to do to make things right. In one sentence my brother even stated that Julian must turn from his life of degradation in order to return to the fold. My brother’s contention with me; that I’d stepped over boundaries between him and his son.

Here is where I have trouble. My brother and his wife brought this kid to America when he was nearly 15 years old. Julian was all but grown. A Rwandan orphan, grown up in an orphanage and then plucked out of Africa with his twin sister when he was a mid-teen and by my brother’s own words, given a fifty, fifty chance of coming through unscathed here in America. So, realistically evaluating this situation where my brother and his wife are demanding submission and in my brother’s wife’s situation, sometimes with force and violence, this young man isn’t really their son. He may be son in name but they certainly can’t claim the responsibility for raising him. After all he arrived nearly grown.

In relating some of his near past experiences to me; Julian related tales of control, stubbornness, a feeling of being trapped and in some instances physical torment. I do realize that Julian exacerbated his situation by not submitting to the will of his “parents.” My brother feels angry that Julian won’t submit; my brother mentioned that ultimately as a teen he submitted to our parents and accepted their help because he loved and respected them. That was true then for him, but Dan, my brother had the benefit of being raised by our parents for 15, 16 or even 17 years when he was very troubled and in a good bit of trouble. Julian didn’t have that benefit given that he is just 18 now. No one raised this boy, he raised himself.

So in attempting to get Julian’s documents to him I failed. My brother refused and he refused to discuss what Julian needs to actually do to get what is legally his. In our conversation Dan did eventually calm down and we were able to turn to matters that involved just the two of us. Interestingly my brother doesn’t have clear recollections of many events involving us over the past twenty years. He also did a great deal of projecting in that I am less than truthful, which I don’t think is true, but in terms of his wife is very true. I will admit that I am stubborn, that I will not submit to my brother’s wife’s manipulations and half truths and in terms of our relationship I have given her a very, very, very wide berth over the last twenty years or so. To get tangled in her tales is a less than pleasant experience. I have been polite and cordial but she is not someone that I trust.

Interestingly enough my brother painted me with her brush. He said that I’d closed them out of my life. Well, partly true, I did give her a wide berth, I did not share intimacies with her, I did go out of my way to visit, something that they never did. I did go out of my way to remember birthdays, something they never did, I did go out of my way to invite them here, something they never took up and all of that is ok. I really don’t see a reason for adult siblings to live in one another’s pockets.

I do however expect adult siblings to have a degree of awareness and understanding. So when my brother and his wife didn’t inquire as to what my holiday plans were or my parent’s plans were for over ten years, I brought it up to explosive anger, a rather interesting response I thought. When my brother informed me that Julian was moving out and that he and his wife would not support or help this young man in any way because he’d hurt them; I pointed out that this really wasn’t about them but about Julian and again an explosion.

I did point out too that ten days of holiday at my parents house where mom cooks and cleans up after nine guests is not spending a holiday with my parents, it is a free vacation and I did say that adults pay for their own vacations or buy a second home or a camper. My brother’s response, no July visit at my parents this year and as our conversation wound down on Friday I asked Dan, “Where do we go from here?”

I was told that there was no time right now for a relationship or reconciliation with me. That he didn’t have the time or energy right now to deal with me. So, my brother finally said out loud what I’ve known for many years. It stung and hurt and I had nowhere to go with it and so Dan just said “Good bye.” He then hung up.

Although the words stung, I think my brother did feel a sense of satisfaction at saying them. He knew exactly where to place the keenest sense of hurt. I do think that the mark was missed though; you see, he wasn’t telling me anything that I didn’t already know. He and his wife had come to this place a long time ago and it is ok with me. I truly think that they have not completely or judiciously evaluated the ramifications of their treatment of me or even my parents. My brother is deluded in his thinking that he and my folks are on a path to reconciliation and peace; his wife did say to them that she didn’t care if she ever saw them again. Dan was sitting right there, obviously not paying attention.

At least now I know that my mission is clear. I must at all costs make sure that Julian is cared for. That I keep this young man out of the criminal justice system, that I help his current care takers get him a decent education and hopefully get him into college. As for my brother, I love him but I have to wait for him to have a catharsis and break from this altered reality that he lives in. My promise to myself, I will not offer my brother any more advice and if the authorities have to intervene in order for Julian to get his social security card, passport, green card and visa, well then so be it. I can with clear conscience say that I tried to offer a simple solution and was summarily dismissed.

Anger, speech, listening

2009-07-20T13:58:00.000-07:00

James 1:19
My dear brothers and sisters, be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to get angry.

What a fantastic verse. I notified my brother about a week ago that I would be driving to Lynchburg on Sunday, yesterday, to visit my nephew Julian. Julian has moved out of my brother’s home, he’s eighteen and has moved in with a neighbor. I think that it is fair to say, because I haven’t been told otherwise, that my brother and his wife are angry because Julian has moved out. I think also that they are angry because they didn’t respond to my notification that I’d be coming up and they weren’t around at all yesterday. It felt like they were avoiding me, but there is nothing new in those actions.

All of this is fine. All of this is sad, confusing and in some aspects very tragic. For years I have been guilty of not speaking my mind to my brother and his wife because I didn’t want to upset the apple cart. I wanted to maintain some semblance of family unity and some semblance of a relationship. Despite this effort the relationship between us has fragmented terribly, recently I spoke my mind after years of not doing so. For years my brother and his wife drifted away from me despite my attempt to play nice and I believed that it all had to do with what I am, a gay man. I don’t think that this is the case any longer.

My brother is loyal to his wife and I respect that. I disagree with their heavy handed methods of child rearing, both physically and emotionally. I disagree with their isolation. I disagree with the favoritism shown to some of their seven children. What has occurred to me recently with respect to the strained relationship is that I am out, disowned too, because I cannot be manipulated and controlled. Recently I have learned to speak my mind and tell it like I see it and I think that I do so respectfully with thought and contemplation.

I do believe in my brother’s home that these actions leave one persona non grata. Julian is a testament to this; he couldn’t stay there any longer, had to move away for his own well being and is now disowned. I could write a book on the psychosis of disowning a child survivor of Rwanda and an orphan brought to the US at 15 years and then disowned but I won’t right now. I certainly don’t respect those actions and when I questioned them I was told to not speak of something I knew little about.
Similarly six months ago I pointed out to my brother the fact that for twelve years he and his wife have made no inquiry as to what my parents and I were doing for the holidays. This discussion lead to a full fledge melt down where my mother and in absentia I, were accused of being liars for not saying something sooner. In my mind that’s a large leap. Why on Earth would we say something sooner we knew the reaction would be a melt down and bingo it was?

So, following James’ advice I was slow to speak and look where it got me, estranged. I admit that I have been quick to listen and process and perhaps that’s where my brother and his wife feel the need to disconnect. I have connected all of the dots, heard all of the inconsistencies, processed all of the stories and exaggerations and that makes them uncomfortable and me expendable. I have processed through my anger and yes I have been angry. Now, the anger is gone, thankfully I didn’t act on it last go around and with this posting I am closing the door on this sad, sordid chapter. Well maybe, then again maybe not, I may have to chew on all of it some more until there is no taste left.

Prayer, faith and love of Jesus

2009-07-15T13:50:00.000-07:00

Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. (NIV)

Wow, nice thump, thank you God. It occurs to me after an interesting and intense conversation with my dad; love him deeply but don’t always understand what makes him nervous, angry or upset. I do know that God doesn’t want us to be angry., nervous or upsset. God especially doesn’t want us to dwell and cogitate on things that are well beyond our control.

This is one of the primary reasons why I have removed myself from the twenty four hour news cycle and the plethora of talking heads who argue, bicker and carry on guising all of their bluster as “news.” I firmly believe that it is not.

I have worked and prayed to get myself to a place of hope and joy. Life is too short to sit with worry about what might happen. If the bad comes, it does, I will be patient in that affliction, until then I remain faithful in prayer. I seek joy in everyday. I wrestle with my failing to see Jesus in all.

So as I anticipate the next hour of my life, the next day, the next week, the next month and so on, I anticipate with a joyful hope. My steadfast prayer is that all humans strive to see and find good in other humans. My prayer that all people seek and see the invisible who live among them. The invisible are all around us, they stand on street corners begging here in the richest country on Earth. They live as teenagers cast out of their families and homes. They live in our shelters, in our neighborhoods and we find them in our work places and churches. These are the marginalized, the disenfranchised, the sick, the weak, the helpless, the hurt and the weary. These are the left out and the left behind.

I pray that these Angels on the edge find peace and comfort, acceptance and love. I pray that they are patient in their affliction. I pray that they preserver through; and find strength and peace and love and harmony and yes, through prayer, find Jesus. In him they will find a way to stand up, step up, move in and move beyond. In Jesus there is no fear, no anger, no nervousness, no hurt and no pain. In Him there is joy, love, hope and promise of even greater things. That is my hope and my comfort.

Galatians 6

2009-06-03T14:25:00.000-07:00

6:1 Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently. But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted. 2 Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. 3 If any of you think you are something when you are nothing, you deceive yourselves. 4 Each of you should test your own actions. Then you can take pride in yourself, without comparing yourself to somebody else, 5 for each of you should carry your own load. 6 Nevertheless, those who receive instruction in the word should share all good things with their instructor.

Still so many years later there are so many embroiled in "being" better than those around them. I think no one person is better or worse than the other. All too often I run across someone who believes that they are, either one of the other. Truly sad and unfortunate.

Unfortunate also are the people I meet day to day who for one reason or another won't or can't do the right thing. They won't find a way to go a little further, try a little harder, move a little more, give a litte more in order to make someone else's path easier.